boo went to get our hawaiian pizza.
but this was a GREAT christmas, all around.
no dissapointments!
we both got each other nintendo DS! lol
hey now we don't have to share or fight
for custody.
he got me some clothes. a book about andy,
a book that has all kinds of things
relating to alice in wonderland...
even recipes! an uglydoll!
that cool "seacret" nail stuff.
some rose soap like his minty soap,
cookies, subscrip to nylon magazine,
i'm going to forget something so i'll stop!
and his mom sent me up a sketch book&colored pencils,
and a beatles mug! i love it! &a thank you card,
i have to send her one now.
i am so happy.
-mints.
galleries.
i've decided that i have never had my heart broken.
after careful thinking and evaluation of past
relationships. i have never given enough of myself to
someone for them to be able to break my heart.
i have never been around someone long enough for
them to know who i am. i am so much more than
three months...six months...nine months.
i am even more than the amount of time derek and i have
been together, but he has given me the opportunities
to show someone, to show him, who i really am
and i have never felt judged.
and i feel like we are both so complex
that we bring so much to each others lives.
i've always thought i had a "heart of stone"
never letting people in, and once they were...
never telling them how i felt about them.
i feel differently now. i don't think that
derek even knows how different i was before him.
i let go of a lot of my past while i've been with
him. and i am happy about that. it's like,
in the past i was a different version of myself.
a guarded version. so becoming more free,
and becoming familiar with another human being
at the same time in the way i have with derek...
well i guess i've grown a lot.
i feel like derek could break my heart if we ever
got into such a situation.
and that scares me really bad.
i trust him so much. i trust him with so much.
he knows things i wouldn't tell anyone else.
he always calms me down. without even saying anything.
this all sounds so mushy. and scary.
i'm scared. of my own feelings.
i mean, i'm not saying things have been
perfect from day one. but we have gotten past
a lot of things. things that brought us down
to a level we don't belong.
we are better than that;
i realize that now.
&i think i can change him sometimes,
and i know that's wrong.
but i just want him to dance with me.
and i just want him to let go like i have been...
i know he has it in him.
i am still scared of the words that so many
people associate with these feelings.
they still get lodged in my throat.
i still can't say them.
i've tried to think of so many ways to say them
without saying them, but it doesn't feel right.
i am pretty sure he knows i feel without words.
i just feel sometimes like i will regret not
saying them someday. or not saying them sooner.
i hate words sometimes.
well, what if i feel like it's bigger than those words?
that other girls have said those words to him.
that we hear them so often that they don't mean
as much to me as he does.
i am emotional and will regret writing all of this.
not that i don't mean it all, just that i don't like
laying everything out like this. but it's okay. for now.
after careful thinking and evaluation of past
relationships. i have never given enough of myself to
someone for them to be able to break my heart.
i have never been around someone long enough for
them to know who i am. i am so much more than
three months...six months...nine months.
i am even more than the amount of time derek and i have
been together, but he has given me the opportunities
to show someone, to show him, who i really am
and i have never felt judged.
and i feel like we are both so complex
that we bring so much to each others lives.
i've always thought i had a "heart of stone"
never letting people in, and once they were...
never telling them how i felt about them.
i feel differently now. i don't think that
derek even knows how different i was before him.
i let go of a lot of my past while i've been with
him. and i am happy about that. it's like,
in the past i was a different version of myself.
a guarded version. so becoming more free,
and becoming familiar with another human being
at the same time in the way i have with derek...
well i guess i've grown a lot.
i feel like derek could break my heart if we ever
got into such a situation.
and that scares me really bad.
i trust him so much. i trust him with so much.
he knows things i wouldn't tell anyone else.
he always calms me down. without even saying anything.
this all sounds so mushy. and scary.
i'm scared. of my own feelings.
i mean, i'm not saying things have been
perfect from day one. but we have gotten past
a lot of things. things that brought us down
to a level we don't belong.
we are better than that;
i realize that now.
&i think i can change him sometimes,
and i know that's wrong.
but i just want him to dance with me.
and i just want him to let go like i have been...
i know he has it in him.
i am still scared of the words that so many
people associate with these feelings.
they still get lodged in my throat.
i still can't say them.
i've tried to think of so many ways to say them
without saying them, but it doesn't feel right.
i am pretty sure he knows i feel without words.
i just feel sometimes like i will regret not
saying them someday. or not saying them sooner.
i hate words sometimes.
well, what if i feel like it's bigger than those words?
that other girls have said those words to him.
that we hear them so often that they don't mean
as much to me as he does.
i am emotional and will regret writing all of this.
not that i don't mean it all, just that i don't like
laying everything out like this. but it's okay. for now.
ring a ding.
so this morning my car wouldn't start.
i don't blame him, though he is just
having some health issues. he's my
trusty steed, and trusty steeds even
get sick sometimes.
we [my dad and i] think it's
the gas line because my car
smelled really bad like gas the last
couple days after i filled the tank.
sooo quick fix. hopefully that's it.
horseback riding was really good yesterday,
i rode monty. he's new. he's a little green,
and was acting a bit fresh but he is
so adorable. we have a bond. i could feel it.
&i got him to collect his trot to where
it felt like he was trotting in place it was so cute.
and he cuddled me. i will take him extra
special treats next time.
i get to ride twice this coming week because
i missed a lesson due to the snow last friday.
YES! wish i could ride every day.
ok, so i dont know if this is TMI,
because not much qualifies as TMI to me,
but i dont know if its the nuvaring,
or something has changed in me but when i have
the nuvaring in [3 weeks i dont have my per.]
i have ZERO appetite. like, i could go
days without eating, sometimes i forget to
eat all day [my boo thinks im crazy when i say
i forgot to eat] and it doesn't even phase me.
i can go 2 days without eating and not even
be hungry! i mean i eat because i know i have to
but i do forget sometimes. then...
when it's time to take it out;
[the week i have my per.]
omg i could eat anything you hand me.
i was craving steak once, and i HATE steak,
always always have. it's crazy. we went to
red robin and i ate my whole burger, all my fries,
some extra fries, and got a gingerbread shake to go.
i never ever used to be able to clean my plate.
i really don't mind it because it doesn't
seem to be effecting my health. but it almost
feels like an eating disorder. like, i dont eat
for a whole day, or more. then for a whole week
im eating like a crazy person. and its not even
always that i forget to eat, it's that i have
no appetite. i bought some cheese to make
grilled cheese and some soup and i dont even
feel like eating it. but i'm going to.
so i'm going to make that now and then hang out.
clean up a little, my presents are everywhere.
boo comes home soon!
tomorrow or monday, not sure.
-mints.
i don't blame him, though he is just
having some health issues. he's my
trusty steed, and trusty steeds even
get sick sometimes.
we [my dad and i] think it's
the gas line because my car
smelled really bad like gas the last
couple days after i filled the tank.
sooo quick fix. hopefully that's it.
horseback riding was really good yesterday,
i rode monty. he's new. he's a little green,
and was acting a bit fresh but he is
so adorable. we have a bond. i could feel it.
&i got him to collect his trot to where
it felt like he was trotting in place it was so cute.
and he cuddled me. i will take him extra
special treats next time.
i get to ride twice this coming week because
i missed a lesson due to the snow last friday.
YES! wish i could ride every day.
ok, so i dont know if this is TMI,
because not much qualifies as TMI to me,
but i dont know if its the nuvaring,
or something has changed in me but when i have
the nuvaring in [3 weeks i dont have my per.]
i have ZERO appetite. like, i could go
days without eating, sometimes i forget to
eat all day [my boo thinks im crazy when i say
i forgot to eat] and it doesn't even phase me.
i can go 2 days without eating and not even
be hungry! i mean i eat because i know i have to
but i do forget sometimes. then...
when it's time to take it out;
[the week i have my per.]
omg i could eat anything you hand me.
i was craving steak once, and i HATE steak,
always always have. it's crazy. we went to
red robin and i ate my whole burger, all my fries,
some extra fries, and got a gingerbread shake to go.
i never ever used to be able to clean my plate.
i really don't mind it because it doesn't
seem to be effecting my health. but it almost
feels like an eating disorder. like, i dont eat
for a whole day, or more. then for a whole week
im eating like a crazy person. and its not even
always that i forget to eat, it's that i have
no appetite. i bought some cheese to make
grilled cheese and some soup and i dont even
feel like eating it. but i'm going to.
so i'm going to make that now and then hang out.
clean up a little, my presents are everywhere.
boo comes home soon!
tomorrow or monday, not sure.
-mints.
i went to best buy with my gift card
and got john legend's new cd
and ingrid michaelson's cd.
i love her's. i haven't listened
to his yet.
her songs make me feel so in love.
Giving Up - Ingrid Michaelson
and got john legend's new cd
and ingrid michaelson's cd.
i love her's. i haven't listened
to his yet.
her songs make me feel so in love.
Giving Up - Ingrid Michaelson
bread and circus.
i love my aunt liz. she teaches me
so much and feeds&encourages me
to keep using my imagination, no matter
how old i get.
i really enjoyed my family last night
and tonight. it was fun. i got really
good gifts and lots of money
[all going towards the disney world trip!
this i swear!]
i didn't really miss derek until now sitting
in the apartment alone!
usually i at least have shooter with me haha.
someone left us a bottle of jose cuervo in the door,
how thoughtful...
anybody want it?! haha.
my sister is the manager at lindt in the outlets.
so i have chocolate to last me a year!
and my mom bought me those chocolate oranges
you crack open because i used to beg for them
when i was little every time i went to a store with her.
haha.
i have riding tomorrow and forgot to get my
trainer something. :[ i'm sure she really won't
mind, though. and then after i have to go to the
mall and finish picking up some things for boooo
that i couldn't get while he was with me...
but it is boxing day and that means CANADIAN MANIAAAA.
the things i am getting are things that hopefully won't
be hot items...i mean, things that wont be sold out
because they're probably not something everyone wants
i could be wrong but i am really really really hoping.
really hoping.
soooo im going to go eat some
lindt truffles and surf the net
and then go to bed early!
yeah!
hope everyone had a merry christmas.
-mints.
so much and feeds&encourages me
to keep using my imagination, no matter
how old i get.
i really enjoyed my family last night
and tonight. it was fun. i got really
good gifts and lots of money
[all going towards the disney world trip!
this i swear!]
i didn't really miss derek until now sitting
in the apartment alone!
usually i at least have shooter with me haha.
someone left us a bottle of jose cuervo in the door,
how thoughtful...
anybody want it?! haha.
my sister is the manager at lindt in the outlets.
so i have chocolate to last me a year!
and my mom bought me those chocolate oranges
you crack open because i used to beg for them
when i was little every time i went to a store with her.
haha.
i have riding tomorrow and forgot to get my
trainer something. :[ i'm sure she really won't
mind, though. and then after i have to go to the
mall and finish picking up some things for boooo
that i couldn't get while he was with me...
but it is boxing day and that means CANADIAN MANIAAAA.
the things i am getting are things that hopefully won't
be hot items...i mean, things that wont be sold out
because they're probably not something everyone wants
i could be wrong but i am really really really hoping.
really hoping.
soooo im going to go eat some
lindt truffles and surf the net
and then go to bed early!
yeah!
hope everyone had a merry christmas.
-mints.
i am really tired
but i can't sleep now. derek just left
for work and i can't fall back asleep.
i have to go xmas shopping today...
i wonder how bad my car is trapped.
i also have to work at 4:00.
i hope she calls me and tells me not
to bother. but that probably won't happen.
i think i'm going to have some hot chocolate,
read my book and fall back asleep.
then i'll probably be digging my car out of
the snow, and going christmas shopping.
3 more days til christmas. it's crazy.
when you're older and you work all the time
christmas comes and goes so fast that you don't
even have time to get excited about it anymore.
i mean, i am excited...but not how i got
when i was little. now it's like eh, christmas,
i don't really want anything...
i told derek i am going to start knitting because
i came across this book at barnes&noble
that had the COOLEST stuff in it to knit.
and unlike a sewing machine you don't gotta
set it up and all that. it's like if you feel like
knitting...you knit. there was this sweater
with a quote by martin luther king knitted into it.
i thought that was pretty sweet. i guess his
mom and sister just started knitting, too.
i told him to buy his mom that book, too. lol.
okay hot chocolate time.
zzzzzz.
for work and i can't fall back asleep.
i have to go xmas shopping today...
i wonder how bad my car is trapped.
i also have to work at 4:00.
i hope she calls me and tells me not
to bother. but that probably won't happen.
i think i'm going to have some hot chocolate,
read my book and fall back asleep.
then i'll probably be digging my car out of
the snow, and going christmas shopping.
3 more days til christmas. it's crazy.
when you're older and you work all the time
christmas comes and goes so fast that you don't
even have time to get excited about it anymore.
i mean, i am excited...but not how i got
when i was little. now it's like eh, christmas,
i don't really want anything...
i told derek i am going to start knitting because
i came across this book at barnes&noble
that had the COOLEST stuff in it to knit.
and unlike a sewing machine you don't gotta
set it up and all that. it's like if you feel like
knitting...you knit. there was this sweater
with a quote by martin luther king knitted into it.
i thought that was pretty sweet. i guess his
mom and sister just started knitting, too.
i told him to buy his mom that book, too. lol.
okay hot chocolate time.
zzzzzz.
it's worse out than i thought!
but i have rescued my nani.
and now he is going to shovel
and i am going to eat
neopolitan kisses.
that taste like chocolate covered
strawberries if you chew them fast.
btw i forgot to blog that i turned
into the hulk the other day and shoveled the driveway
and the path to the house.
okay now im going to relax and see
where this snowstorm may take us.
but i have rescued my nani.
and now he is going to shovel
and i am going to eat
neopolitan kisses.
that taste like chocolate covered
strawberries if you chew them fast.
btw i forgot to blog that i turned
into the hulk the other day and shoveled the driveway
and the path to the house.
okay now im going to relax and see
where this snowstorm may take us.
ah, the snow.
so much snow! i left work an hour early today...
not because of the snow, or because it was super
dead in the store by then...because i don't mind either
scenario. but because i felt like it! lol.
i just had grilled cheese and pizza rolls. yom.
again! no iced coffee this time, though.
pretty soon i have to go pick derek up from
work because i am not letting him walk
home in this. especially when it's dark out.
he could get hit by a car!
i remember when the october storm started
and my mom was all freaked out like aliens
were attacking or something.
she kept saying how bizarre it was lol.
and then a day or two later my dad, brothers,
and i drove out to batavia where there was like,
no snow. and got burger king because it was
the only place open.
and my brothers and i played so many
games of battleship and hangman
that i'm still a pro.
then i remember the storm BEFORE that...
don't even know how old i was, but i was stuck
at allisons house and we rode her four wheelers
up and down the streets of cheektowaga,
and there were tons of people and cars stuck on harlem
road and people started walking home from there. it
was crazy. and i also remember that i had to
borrow a pair of her underwear when we finally
showered. lol.
i actually don't mind being snowed in at all.
even if i am not exactly snowed in today.
and i have xmas shopping to do still.
after that, snow me in.
word.
-mints.
not because of the snow, or because it was super
dead in the store by then...because i don't mind either
scenario. but because i felt like it! lol.
i just had grilled cheese and pizza rolls. yom.
again! no iced coffee this time, though.
pretty soon i have to go pick derek up from
work because i am not letting him walk
home in this. especially when it's dark out.
he could get hit by a car!
i remember when the october storm started
and my mom was all freaked out like aliens
were attacking or something.
she kept saying how bizarre it was lol.
and then a day or two later my dad, brothers,
and i drove out to batavia where there was like,
no snow. and got burger king because it was
the only place open.
and my brothers and i played so many
games of battleship and hangman
that i'm still a pro.
then i remember the storm BEFORE that...
don't even know how old i was, but i was stuck
at allisons house and we rode her four wheelers
up and down the streets of cheektowaga,
and there were tons of people and cars stuck on harlem
road and people started walking home from there. it
was crazy. and i also remember that i had to
borrow a pair of her underwear when we finally
showered. lol.
i actually don't mind being snowed in at all.
even if i am not exactly snowed in today.
and i have xmas shopping to do still.
after that, snow me in.
word.
-mints.
snow!
man, now i can't go riding.
well, i could but i don't want to get stuck out
there! even with stoney! lol. :[
poor stoney won't be getting his weekly
love. so i guess i can't go xmas shopping either
which means i have the day off and i will
probably just scan and upload some of
the pictures derek just got developed.
tata for now.
well, i could but i don't want to get stuck out
there! even with stoney! lol. :[
poor stoney won't be getting his weekly
love. so i guess i can't go xmas shopping either
which means i have the day off and i will
probably just scan and upload some of
the pictures derek just got developed.
tata for now.
one, two step.
i love cha cha dancing by myself to adele.
it makes me feel alive! hahaha.
well, i just love to dance. i need to go
dancing more. derek won't go line dancing
with me, but someday i'll get him to.
i also want to take swing dancing lessons
but that is also taking some convincing.
:/
I WILL GET THERE!
how fun would that be?
it makes me feel alive! hahaha.
well, i just love to dance. i need to go
dancing more. derek won't go line dancing
with me, but someday i'll get him to.
i also want to take swing dancing lessons
but that is also taking some convincing.
:/
I WILL GET THERE!
how fun would that be?
yom.
i just made myself a delicious lunch.
grilled cheese with pizza rolls.
and iced coffee from dd.
i bought too many snacks today, we already
have too many snacks! lol. but i was hungry.
i bought turtle chex mix, pringles,
and bagels and cream cheese,
and i am making rice krispie treats today...
and on friday is the cookie party so i'll
be bringing 100 cookies back here. 10 varieties.
silly me. guess we'll just get fat!
lol.
<3
update: tacos for dinner! DOUBLE YOMG!
i couldn't ask for a better boo!
grilled cheese with pizza rolls.
and iced coffee from dd.
i bought too many snacks today, we already
have too many snacks! lol. but i was hungry.
i bought turtle chex mix, pringles,
and bagels and cream cheese,
and i am making rice krispie treats today...
and on friday is the cookie party so i'll
be bringing 100 cookies back here. 10 varieties.
silly me. guess we'll just get fat!
lol.
<3
update: tacos for dinner! DOUBLE YOMG!
i couldn't ask for a better boo!
cakez.
this is the cake i want for my next bday.
and if it costs too much then i am going
to force my future husband to have an alice in
wonderland themed wedding...or at least a cake.
it's amazing.
and if it costs too much then i am going
to force my future husband to have an alice in
wonderland themed wedding...or at least a cake.
it's amazing.
what a great day!
did my toys r us shopping.
got samantha the aquadoodle mat for the wall
and this realllllly soft stuffed pony.
[they live next door to the boston
equestrian center...what more could you ask for!]
i got derek's mom&her bf some organic oatmeal pancake mix
to go with the blis maple syrup and the tea leaves/tea ball.
[i love williams sonoma.]
i didn't get kristin anything yet.
not telling what i got derek cos he can see this.
i got my brother a book with all the beatles lyrics
illustrated, and two beatles posters.
i got my sister the game of LIFE, pirates of the carribean
edition, and a target gift card.
i'll be getting my dad a home depot gift card
and a book.
my mom a gift card [don't know for where yet]
and a book. and some of that maple syrup if i have
enough money left because she was very jealous
that derek's mom was getting some.
and my other brother is getting a visa gift card,
and some clothes from abercrombie.
i love christmas shopping...
i hate having to limit myself!
and while walking into the mall i found
$6 on the ground, and got to see tim
@ UO!
and i picked up some williams sonoma hot chocolate
for my boo and i to share [hopefully some tonight!]
it's chocolate shavings! and you melt them.
how much better could it be, really?
got samantha the aquadoodle mat for the wall
and this realllllly soft stuffed pony.
[they live next door to the boston
equestrian center...what more could you ask for!]
i got derek's mom&her bf some organic oatmeal pancake mix
to go with the blis maple syrup and the tea leaves/tea ball.
[i love williams sonoma.]
i didn't get kristin anything yet.
not telling what i got derek cos he can see this.
i got my brother a book with all the beatles lyrics
illustrated, and two beatles posters.
i got my sister the game of LIFE, pirates of the carribean
edition, and a target gift card.
i'll be getting my dad a home depot gift card
and a book.
my mom a gift card [don't know for where yet]
and a book. and some of that maple syrup if i have
enough money left because she was very jealous
that derek's mom was getting some.
and my other brother is getting a visa gift card,
and some clothes from abercrombie.
i love christmas shopping...
i hate having to limit myself!
and while walking into the mall i found
$6 on the ground, and got to see tim
@ UO!
and i picked up some williams sonoma hot chocolate
for my boo and i to share [hopefully some tonight!]
it's chocolate shavings! and you melt them.
how much better could it be, really?
tagzzzz/
1. What was I doing 10 years ago?
i was 10 years old. probably MAD excited for santa to come.
just started horseback riding that year!
can't believe it was that long ago.
i wanna be 10 again.
2. List five things on today's to do list.
today is pretty much over, so i'll do tomorrow's to do list!
- go to toys r us, return samantha's present, get samantha different present.
- go to williams sonoma get presents for rest of derek's family.
- go to borders and get books for my family's presents.
- go to dunkin donuts [always]
- go to work.
3. Snacks I enjoy.
santas favorite cookies.
cheese.
4. Things I'd do if I were a billionaire.
- build my mom a new house with a beautiful garden. :]
- pay my sister's house and car off. not that she needs my help
but if i could, i would.
- put myself and my brothers through college.
- build my own house complete with barn and horses and pigs.
- start a rescue facility on my property for abused dogs and horses.
5. Places I have lived.
buffalo, ny. all my life. if you want to get technical...
i lived in cheektowaga until i was one. i don't remember that house.
i lived in buffalo/ cheektowaga until i was 17.
then we moved to alden. it sucked.
now i live in buffalo with my sister/ lancaster w. derek.
6. People I'd like to know more about.
andy warhol. andre 3000. judy garland. etc etc
i want sai and dani and jamaal and dex to do this!
i was 10 years old. probably MAD excited for santa to come.
just started horseback riding that year!
can't believe it was that long ago.
i wanna be 10 again.
2. List five things on today's to do list.
today is pretty much over, so i'll do tomorrow's to do list!
- go to toys r us, return samantha's present, get samantha different present.
- go to williams sonoma get presents for rest of derek's family.
- go to borders and get books for my family's presents.
- go to dunkin donuts [always]
- go to work.
3. Snacks I enjoy.
santas favorite cookies.
cheese.
4. Things I'd do if I were a billionaire.
- build my mom a new house with a beautiful garden. :]
- pay my sister's house and car off. not that she needs my help
but if i could, i would.
- put myself and my brothers through college.
- build my own house complete with barn and horses and pigs.
- start a rescue facility on my property for abused dogs and horses.
5. Places I have lived.
buffalo, ny. all my life. if you want to get technical...
i lived in cheektowaga until i was one. i don't remember that house.
i lived in buffalo/ cheektowaga until i was 17.
then we moved to alden. it sucked.
now i live in buffalo with my sister/ lancaster w. derek.
6. People I'd like to know more about.
andy warhol. andre 3000. judy garland. etc etc
i want sai and dani and jamaal and dex to do this!
well, i guess nows a good time if any;
a christmas wishlist!
- a horse. namely stoney. but he is not for sale.
so any horse will do, i suppose. -eye roll-
- a saddle. which i think is more reasonable than a horse, no?
my very own saddle? would be nice.
- a dressform. an adjustable dress form, actually. so i can
get to work on all the creations that my mind cranks out, but i have
not been able to create due to lack of space, and the fact that
a dressform would be very helpful. also, i have used my sewing machine
i got for christmas last year about... a dozen times. all year. sad, i know.
- all the books andy warhol wrote.
[and an original piece of his artwork,
if you would be so kind. please, thank you.]
- a friend for shooter wilson, aka; my own dog.
an all white pitbull, or a great dane mix. preferably
a rescue puppy.
- petunia.
- a place to keep all the animals i want.
- to live one day in wonderland.
- a real summer this year.
- to be with my boo foreverlong.
:]
oh, and i also love quarters and gift cards...
so if you want to send me any christmas gifts,
just ask me for my address!
[i'll be waiting patiently fo all your inquiries...]
this is my somewhat unreasonable wishlist.
but what's a wishlist if you get everything on it?
that's no fun, in my opinion.
-mints.
- a horse. namely stoney. but he is not for sale.
so any horse will do, i suppose. -eye roll-
- a saddle. which i think is more reasonable than a horse, no?
my very own saddle? would be nice.
- a dressform. an adjustable dress form, actually. so i can
get to work on all the creations that my mind cranks out, but i have
not been able to create due to lack of space, and the fact that
a dressform would be very helpful. also, i have used my sewing machine
i got for christmas last year about... a dozen times. all year. sad, i know.
- all the books andy warhol wrote.
[and an original piece of his artwork,
if you would be so kind. please, thank you.]
- a friend for shooter wilson, aka; my own dog.
an all white pitbull, or a great dane mix. preferably
a rescue puppy.
- petunia.
- a place to keep all the animals i want.
- to live one day in wonderland.
- a real summer this year.
- to be with my boo foreverlong.
:]
oh, and i also love quarters and gift cards...
so if you want to send me any christmas gifts,
just ask me for my address!
[i'll be waiting patiently fo all your inquiries...]
this is my somewhat unreasonable wishlist.
but what's a wishlist if you get everything on it?
that's no fun, in my opinion.
-mints.
tops xmas party.
was SO fun haha.
and the food was really good.
didn't get many pics cos i was
either dancing or eating.
but i have been dubbed the
dancing queen of tops d&l.
what can i say?
i got the moves.
[omg, a real picture of me! i'm not making any strange faces!
the flash is not drowning me out! i am a bit sweaty but i am smiling,
and posing! how curious.]
left early though and...
went to bed early!
i don't have much else to say today.
almost done w. my xmas shopping
and i'm getting my boo the
MOST AWESOME PRESENT EVER.
well, maybe not but it's something
i know he wants.
holler.
can't wait for christmas.
and boo christmas.
oh, and i am mad that
my hair doesn't look red anymore.
:(.
-mints.
and the food was really good.
didn't get many pics cos i was
either dancing or eating.
but i have been dubbed the
dancing queen of tops d&l.
what can i say?
i got the moves.
[omg, a real picture of me! i'm not making any strange faces!
the flash is not drowning me out! i am a bit sweaty but i am smiling,
and posing! how curious.]
left early though and...
went to bed early!
i don't have much else to say today.
almost done w. my xmas shopping
and i'm getting my boo the
MOST AWESOME PRESENT EVER.
well, maybe not but it's something
i know he wants.
holler.
can't wait for christmas.
and boo christmas.
oh, and i am mad that
my hair doesn't look red anymore.
:(.
-mints.
wow.
caylee anthony's body was found.
2,000 feet behind her gparents house.
i want to know how/why she killed her.
her mom is charged with murder,
and can't wait til this whole
case splays out. so so sad.
that poor little girl.
click here to read.
2,000 feet behind her gparents house.
i want to know how/why she killed her.
her mom is charged with murder,
and can't wait til this whole
case splays out. so so sad.
that poor little girl.
click here to read.
i rode stoney again today.
i love him. lol.
he's so cuddly. he tries
to get in my pockets and lets
you cuddle and brush his face.
he acts like a little pony but
he's a big horse.
anyways, had a good ride today.
and a good workout.
i can't believe there are people
afraid of horses. they are so
amazing.
tammy from work said when it gets warmer
she wants to come watch me ride. it
feels nice to have someone interested.
this is a disgusting case of animal abuse,
that i got off of fugly horse...
i can't believe people are such idiots.
why would you think such a light breed,
not to mention EMACIATED horse could pull your
car out of the mud? and the couple
claims that they are both veterinarians.
sick.
how, after having six horses, can you not
care enough about them not to test their
limits and how hard is it to feed them?!
if you can live in langley you can feed
your horses.
i love him. lol.
he's so cuddly. he tries
to get in my pockets and lets
you cuddle and brush his face.
he acts like a little pony but
he's a big horse.
anyways, had a good ride today.
and a good workout.
i can't believe there are people
afraid of horses. they are so
amazing.
tammy from work said when it gets warmer
she wants to come watch me ride. it
feels nice to have someone interested.
this is a disgusting case of animal abuse,
that i got off of fugly horse...
i can't believe people are such idiots.
why would you think such a light breed,
not to mention EMACIATED horse could pull your
car out of the mud? and the couple
claims that they are both veterinarians.
sick.
how, after having six horses, can you not
care enough about them not to test their
limits and how hard is it to feed them?!
if you can live in langley you can feed
your horses.
oh no.
i'm starting to get bad muscle spasms again,
i hate this part right here.
but on a brighter note,
i have horseback riding in the morning.
it's so therapeutic. today at work
i was daydreaming and for some reason
i just got this feeling like i need/want
to be in a horseshow this summer.
you know when you can picture yourself there
and get all excited? i'm ready. it's been too long!
i will ride til i die.
then i am going to the TOPS xmas party
WITHOUT derek because he doesn't want to go.
lol. i mean it's free food, though?
i hate this part right here.
but on a brighter note,
i have horseback riding in the morning.
it's so therapeutic. today at work
i was daydreaming and for some reason
i just got this feeling like i need/want
to be in a horseshow this summer.
you know when you can picture yourself there
and get all excited? i'm ready. it's been too long!
i will ride til i die.
then i am going to the TOPS xmas party
WITHOUT derek because he doesn't want to go.
lol. i mean it's free food, though?
right about now
i'd like to be way way way down south
in savannah, georgia
sweating through my t-shirt sitting in
a dark little restaurant
listening to some
real live southern blues
with lady chablis.
i hate the winter.
in savannah, georgia
sweating through my t-shirt sitting in
a dark little restaurant
listening to some
real live southern blues
with lady chablis.
i hate the winter.
anybody vs. you; anybody loses.
white whale played their second show last night.
derek sings! :]
and we also saw kepi ghoulie play
he's cool, i really like him.
he was the last to play,
and when he started playing...
a bat started flying around!!!
omg it almost hit me&derek like 3 times.
then is settled down and kepi sung it
a batty lullaby.
it was a really good show.
and i was happy with the weathers!
40 degrees in dec. thanks!
now for some random pictures
from last night.
i guess i thought this was really cool.
don't remember taking it.
aw nani got cut off.
military style, dontcha know.
mmmhello.
i call this sexy.
ed westwick.
aka chuck bass.
when i found out he was
BRITISH and IN A BAND.
knocked off my feet.
sorry, boo.
you sexy, too.
lol.
oh, and i cried when chuck came back last night.
^lawl.
ed westwick.
aka chuck bass.
when i found out he was
BRITISH and IN A BAND.
knocked off my feet.
sorry, boo.
you sexy, too.
lol.
oh, and i cried when chuck came back last night.
^lawl.
oh, and...
i think my parent's next door neighbors
got rid of avery. he is never outside,
and my mom says she never hears him barking.
he was supposed to be mine,
and if i couldn't have him
then i could at least visit
him and feed him.
now he's gone. :[
i can only hope he went to a better
family, though i am not sure what
better people they could be dealing with.
got rid of avery. he is never outside,
and my mom says she never hears him barking.
he was supposed to be mine,
and if i couldn't have him
then i could at least visit
him and feed him.
now he's gone. :[
i can only hope he went to a better
family, though i am not sure what
better people they could be dealing with.
bun in the oven.
derek and i are going to open
a bakery on elmwood and live above it.
well, that's my current dream.
lol. or i can do it by myself, but...
he's a mighty fine baker.
i get all sorts of crazy ideas
and convince myself
"it wouldn't be that hard."
though, it probably would.
she's a dreamer, that one.
another one of my current dreams
is to have an all white pitbull,
yes i know the all white ones are
deaf, that is why i want one
so i can take extra special care
of him. and his name would be gesso.
he is my dream dog and if i could
have him,i would.
i don't even know where to get
this dog. but i think i could find one!
a bakery on elmwood and live above it.
well, that's my current dream.
lol. or i can do it by myself, but...
he's a mighty fine baker.
i get all sorts of crazy ideas
and convince myself
"it wouldn't be that hard."
though, it probably would.
she's a dreamer, that one.
another one of my current dreams
is to have an all white pitbull,
yes i know the all white ones are
deaf, that is why i want one
so i can take extra special care
of him. and his name would be gesso.
he is my dream dog and if i could
have him,i would.
i don't even know where to get
this dog. but i think i could find one!
all i have to say
>
is that i'm lucky i don't have enough money
because my body is one step out the door
to go adopt this baby pig at the spca.
going to that site is ALWAYS a bad idea,
unless you can actually take somebody home.
i have nowhere to keep a pig.
but i want her.
:[
pigs are very smart, you know.
but nobody wants to listen to my arguments!
and her name is petunia! how cute.
i love how it looks like someone
spilled ink on her little nose.
is that i'm lucky i don't have enough money
because my body is one step out the door
to go adopt this baby pig at the spca.
going to that site is ALWAYS a bad idea,
unless you can actually take somebody home.
i have nowhere to keep a pig.
but i want her.
:[
pigs are very smart, you know.
but nobody wants to listen to my arguments!
and her name is petunia! how cute.
i love how it looks like someone
spilled ink on her little nose.
meet the fam.
[click on the pictures to see the whole thing.]
just thought i would let you all know that i
have the cutest grandpa in the world.
that's my grandma, aunt liz, uncle tom,
mom, and gpa on the chair! mom's side of the
fam.
SCAT!
thanks to lisa for supplying the lindt truffles.
the girls.
my sister, my cousin heather, me, my cousin alicia,
and my cousin natalie on the chair.
let me please remind you that this
was AFTER dinner. lol.
all the kids. [by stair]
natalie,
lisa, heather,
me, jake,
bill, jeremy, alicia.
durrrr.
those are from thanksgiving.
just thought i would let you all know that i
have the cutest grandpa in the world.
that's my grandma, aunt liz, uncle tom,
mom, and gpa on the chair! mom's side of the
fam.
SCAT!
thanks to lisa for supplying the lindt truffles.
the girls.
my sister, my cousin heather, me, my cousin alicia,
and my cousin natalie on the chair.
let me please remind you that this
was AFTER dinner. lol.
all the kids. [by stair]
natalie,
lisa, heather,
me, jake,
bill, jeremy, alicia.
durrrr.
those are from thanksgiving.
dreamzzz.
derek says i should keep a dream journal cos my dreams
are so detiled and crazy and maybe someday they'll make
a great book. :] &because i remember them so well.
i think i might. but it would take way too long
to write them by hand so i'll have to do it on a blog.
don't know if it will be public or private yet, though.
if i do decide to let everyone read my dreams,
i'll make sure to let you know.
now i'm about to and listen
to some universal mind control
while i wait for my boo to come home.
are so detiled and crazy and maybe someday they'll make
a great book. :] &because i remember them so well.
i think i might. but it would take way too long
to write them by hand so i'll have to do it on a blog.
don't know if it will be public or private yet, though.
if i do decide to let everyone read my dreams,
i'll make sure to let you know.
now i'm about to and listen
to some universal mind control
while i wait for my boo to come home.
and now, for a dedication.
August 6, 1928 – February 22, 1987
to one of the most amazing men to ever
walk the earth.
a true genius.
and a true person, who was ALWAYS himself
despite what everybody else thought of him
or his work. i wish i knew him.
he really is my hero.
"During the 1960s, I think, people forgot what emotions were supposed to be. And I don't think they've ever remembered."
"Before I was shot, I always thought that I was more half-there than all-there - I always suspected that I was watching TV instead of living life. Right when I was being shot and ever since, I knew that I was watching television."
"I never understood why when you died, you didn't just vanish, everything could just keep going on the way it was only you just wouldn't be there. I always thought I'd like my own tombstone to be blank. No epitaph, and no name. Well, actually, I'd like it to say 'figment.'"
"I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumors to my dogs. "
i've decided that i'm getting an andy warhol tattoo.
i haven't decided what yet, but i know that it will
be my ONLY tattoo with color. and it will be amazing.
:]
today was a really good day.
derek had to work at 5am, but that means
he came home early. like 1-ish.
i had off because i gave my shift to dawn,
she only had like 18 hours. soooo
i went and got my check, set aside my money
for horseback riding; and went shopping!
i got billy the rest of his xmas present.
and i got myself a v-neck tee with
the white rabbit from alices adventures in wonderland!
i thought omg this shirt is here for ME
because i just read the book. i love alice
in wonderland. and will eventually get a tat in
dedication to the work of lewis carrol.
but yeah, i had to get the shirt, even though $30
for a vneck tee is blah.
oh, and i ran into my grandma in the gap!
we discussed what we're buying for who
and she keeps telling me i lost weight. WOO HA.
andddd she told me what a great guy derek
is and how she likes him so much. haha.
then i left and i told my boo that i was very bad
and bought myself a shirt haha then we
went to red robin and had lunch i was sooo
hungry [pms does that to me]
and i ate my WHOLE cheeseburger, all my fries
and afterwards i got a gingerbread milkshake to go.
my boo and i shared that, though so i can't take
full credit. but that is a lot for me, i rarely
clean my plate.
then we went to bingo! i won $50!
and i won fifty bucks because we
were praying to jah to provide for us.
JAH WILL PROVIDE, RASTAFARI!
and also, i am convinced...
that i was meant to buy that shirt with
the white rabbit on it so the universe
decided to give me my money black plus some extra.
and for that i say thank you, universe.
and now we are back at his abode, watching 2&1/2 men
eating spicy sweet chili doritos and drinking
ginger ale.
i'm so happy.
derek had to work at 5am, but that means
he came home early. like 1-ish.
i had off because i gave my shift to dawn,
she only had like 18 hours. soooo
i went and got my check, set aside my money
for horseback riding; and went shopping!
i got billy the rest of his xmas present.
and i got myself a v-neck tee with
the white rabbit from alices adventures in wonderland!
i thought omg this shirt is here for ME
because i just read the book. i love alice
in wonderland. and will eventually get a tat in
dedication to the work of lewis carrol.
but yeah, i had to get the shirt, even though $30
for a vneck tee is blah.
oh, and i ran into my grandma in the gap!
we discussed what we're buying for who
and she keeps telling me i lost weight. WOO HA.
andddd she told me what a great guy derek
is and how she likes him so much. haha.
then i left and i told my boo that i was very bad
and bought myself a shirt haha then we
went to red robin and had lunch i was sooo
hungry [pms does that to me]
and i ate my WHOLE cheeseburger, all my fries
and afterwards i got a gingerbread milkshake to go.
my boo and i shared that, though so i can't take
full credit. but that is a lot for me, i rarely
clean my plate.
then we went to bingo! i won $50!
and i won fifty bucks because we
were praying to jah to provide for us.
JAH WILL PROVIDE, RASTAFARI!
and also, i am convinced...
that i was meant to buy that shirt with
the white rabbit on it so the universe
decided to give me my money black plus some extra.
and for that i say thank you, universe.
and now we are back at his abode, watching 2&1/2 men
eating spicy sweet chili doritos and drinking
ginger ale.
i'm so happy.
sisters be good to your brothers...
well, i think i should have a talk with my brothers. at least jake, since he is older.
i want him/them to know that if they ever are having girl problems
they can talk to me about it. get a girls point of view. tell him how the girl
might be feeling about things.i don't want them to go around feeling like they broke
someone's heart. that is not a good feeling to have
on your conscience. but at the same time, you can't sacrifice what will make you
happy, because a girl is going to get her feelings hurt. that puts some guys
in the situation to talk to both of them. which will ALWAYS end bad. you will
keep developing feelings for both girls until you get caught and are left with
nobody, or are forced to choose. and it will hurt both of those girls forever.
so. i want my brothers to be good guys. good boyfriends. good companions.
i have tremendous faith in the people they already are. jake is very good to
his girlfriend. but i know sometimes situations arise out of nowhere, and if you
make the wrong decision you will always regret losing that girl.
i feel like my sister and i didn't cry enough in front of them. i remember
crying over boys and my brother would ask what was wrong and i would say nothing.
if someone sees their sister getting hurt by something, they are likely to avoid
doing that to someone else. at least i know my brother's would. i never really
showed or told them, this is how you don't treat a girl. so hopefully a talk
and the invitation to talk whenever they need to will do just as well.
i know they are good guys, even at such a young age. but the good guys are
the ones who don't want to hurt someone else's feelings. and we know how that goes.
i love my brothers and i just don't ever want them to wish they could
have been a better boyfriend, a better man, a better friend, a better person.
honesty is key when maintaining relationships.
i want him/them to know that if they ever are having girl problems
they can talk to me about it. get a girls point of view. tell him how the girl
might be feeling about things.i don't want them to go around feeling like they broke
someone's heart. that is not a good feeling to have
on your conscience. but at the same time, you can't sacrifice what will make you
happy, because a girl is going to get her feelings hurt. that puts some guys
in the situation to talk to both of them. which will ALWAYS end bad. you will
keep developing feelings for both girls until you get caught and are left with
nobody, or are forced to choose. and it will hurt both of those girls forever.
so. i want my brothers to be good guys. good boyfriends. good companions.
i have tremendous faith in the people they already are. jake is very good to
his girlfriend. but i know sometimes situations arise out of nowhere, and if you
make the wrong decision you will always regret losing that girl.
i feel like my sister and i didn't cry enough in front of them. i remember
crying over boys and my brother would ask what was wrong and i would say nothing.
if someone sees their sister getting hurt by something, they are likely to avoid
doing that to someone else. at least i know my brother's would. i never really
showed or told them, this is how you don't treat a girl. so hopefully a talk
and the invitation to talk whenever they need to will do just as well.
i know they are good guys, even at such a young age. but the good guys are
the ones who don't want to hurt someone else's feelings. and we know how that goes.
i love my brothers and i just don't ever want them to wish they could
have been a better boyfriend, a better man, a better friend, a better person.
honesty is key when maintaining relationships.
i felt like destroying something beautiful.
people don't very much appreciate that answer
to the tattoo/piercing questions unless they
are a fight club fan.
anyway...
decided to make a list
with photos if i have them
of what i have done to myself.
my first piercing was my belly button.
which i begged for on the kitchen floor/
foot of my mom's bed and promised not to tell my dad.
i recently took it out about two months ago
because it started feeling sore...after 4 years.
i miss it, though.
my second piercing was my nose.
i was in 11th grade and also begged my mom
on the kitchen floor to take me.
i took that one out shortly after
i got my anti-eyebrow because i thought
i had too much in my face.
my third was my monroe.
i think these were all within two years.
i said "yeah mom, last one i promise." [not]
so she took me and i hid it from my dad for approx.
two weeks [i'm good, i know] and then he saw it
and was over it shortly.
[when i had just my monroe and nose done.]
lets see...i think it was around then when i convinced
my mom to take me to get my first tattoo.
she dropped me off and paid for it. and picked me up
when it was done. i was all by myself. i still enjoyed it. lol.
it's the gemini constellation. i've been asked if it was connect
the dots or if it was stick figures holding hands. but no, it's gemini.
i've seen a few people copy me with this one. and though it's
annoying...there's nothing you can do about it, right?
[only pic i could find.]
next was my anti-eyebrow.
there was quite a bit of time between the monroe
and the anti. but i love my anti-eyebrow and keeping
it until it surfaces. it has been two years now
and we're still going strong! lol.
then i got a vertical hood piercing.
i have never taken a picture of it.
you can google hood piercings if you'd like.
recently took it out because my body got
used to it if you know what i'm saying.
i miss that one also a little bit.
kayla and i were in canada on clifton hill
and had some time to waste before we saw our friends.
and we went to this place and i got that, and she
got a bad tattoo that i can't believe i let her get.
[ex boyfriends name on butt, anybody?
at least it was his nick-name, though...so...i dono]
we laugh about it now. and it was fun at the time.
then was my second tattoo. my ex-boyfriend went with me
the first time. even though we weren't together at the time,
he came to take pictures. then it scabbed up and the tattoo
was pretty much gone. and derek went with me the second
time, pretty much when we first started talking.
it says al-Jamila in arabic, which translates in english
to "the pretty one" or "beautiful"
i was feeling good about myself at that time in my life and
it reminds me to stay feeling beautiful, all the time!
i also know of some people who have similarssss.
my friend ayla got arabic on her right wrist, but that
doesn't bother me. her's means faith. and it's bigger than
mine. i love her so it's like a bond type thing to me now, i guess.
i know this girl i used to be friends with got beauty on her wrist, too.
but she has issues and took all her friend's tattoo ideas
which is very annoying.
then i got my anti-tragus.
at this point they were coming at a rapid pace,
and there was nothing anybody could do about it.
took that out about... 3 months later because it was
giving me problems. it would get swollen and effect my hearing.
i could blame it on the place i had it done at.
but i didn't. and i kept going there. and i am never going
there again. :]
my best friend kayla still has her's.
though she got her's after me, she's had it more than 3 months.
uhh then i... what did i do?
oh, my smiley.
it annoys me sometimes because it's fun to play with
and i am afraid i might rip it out on accident.
but contrary to popular belief, i can brush my teeth and eat
just fine with it in. i've debated whether or not i should
take it out... still thinking about it.
i think my clavicles were my next and
most recent piercing after that...
took those out a couple months after because
they weren't even, and one wasn't deep enough.
and the one went under a tendon or something because
there was a weird bump. anyways...
i plan on getting them done again soon at a better place,
where they might actually do them right.
i was really sad that i had to take them out but figured
i'd look really dumb walking around with them being that way.
and my money was wasted.
then was my most recent tattoo, that is already
posted in here but i'll put it up anyways...
it was a bold decision but i love it, and my mom and aunt
don't seem to have any problems with it. i think they are used
to this. and i told my mom about it the night before so...you know.
about the script...it's a line from the poem
"a dream within a dream" by edgar allen poe.
i love this poem. very deep poem,
can be taken in many different ways. there is a
meaning to me beyond the poem. but a way that
i think and live. it would be hard to describe
to someone else. i don't even think derek gets it,
i have tried, though! but either way. it means a lot
to me. enough to get it on my chest.
as for my ear piercings. i've been doing those
by myself on and off for awhile now. they close up,
i just open them back up haha. they haven't closed
in a few years, though. i only have one hole in
each ear.
that's all i've done to myself to far...
more to come soon.
to the tattoo/piercing questions unless they
are a fight club fan.
anyway...
decided to make a list
with photos if i have them
of what i have done to myself.
my first piercing was my belly button.
which i begged for on the kitchen floor/
foot of my mom's bed and promised not to tell my dad.
i recently took it out about two months ago
because it started feeling sore...after 4 years.
i miss it, though.
my second piercing was my nose.
i was in 11th grade and also begged my mom
on the kitchen floor to take me.
i took that one out shortly after
i got my anti-eyebrow because i thought
i had too much in my face.
my third was my monroe.
i think these were all within two years.
i said "yeah mom, last one i promise." [not]
so she took me and i hid it from my dad for approx.
two weeks [i'm good, i know] and then he saw it
and was over it shortly.
[when i had just my monroe and nose done.]
lets see...i think it was around then when i convinced
my mom to take me to get my first tattoo.
she dropped me off and paid for it. and picked me up
when it was done. i was all by myself. i still enjoyed it. lol.
it's the gemini constellation. i've been asked if it was connect
the dots or if it was stick figures holding hands. but no, it's gemini.
i've seen a few people copy me with this one. and though it's
annoying...there's nothing you can do about it, right?
[only pic i could find.]
next was my anti-eyebrow.
there was quite a bit of time between the monroe
and the anti. but i love my anti-eyebrow and keeping
it until it surfaces. it has been two years now
and we're still going strong! lol.
then i got a vertical hood piercing.
i have never taken a picture of it.
you can google hood piercings if you'd like.
recently took it out because my body got
used to it if you know what i'm saying.
i miss that one also a little bit.
kayla and i were in canada on clifton hill
and had some time to waste before we saw our friends.
and we went to this place and i got that, and she
got a bad tattoo that i can't believe i let her get.
[ex boyfriends name on butt, anybody?
at least it was his nick-name, though...so...i dono]
we laugh about it now. and it was fun at the time.
then was my second tattoo. my ex-boyfriend went with me
the first time. even though we weren't together at the time,
he came to take pictures. then it scabbed up and the tattoo
was pretty much gone. and derek went with me the second
time, pretty much when we first started talking.
it says al-Jamila in arabic, which translates in english
to "the pretty one" or "beautiful"
i was feeling good about myself at that time in my life and
it reminds me to stay feeling beautiful, all the time!
i also know of some people who have similarssss.
my friend ayla got arabic on her right wrist, but that
doesn't bother me. her's means faith. and it's bigger than
mine. i love her so it's like a bond type thing to me now, i guess.
i know this girl i used to be friends with got beauty on her wrist, too.
but she has issues and took all her friend's tattoo ideas
which is very annoying.
then i got my anti-tragus.
at this point they were coming at a rapid pace,
and there was nothing anybody could do about it.
took that out about... 3 months later because it was
giving me problems. it would get swollen and effect my hearing.
i could blame it on the place i had it done at.
but i didn't. and i kept going there. and i am never going
there again. :]
my best friend kayla still has her's.
though she got her's after me, she's had it more than 3 months.
uhh then i... what did i do?
oh, my smiley.
it annoys me sometimes because it's fun to play with
and i am afraid i might rip it out on accident.
but contrary to popular belief, i can brush my teeth and eat
just fine with it in. i've debated whether or not i should
take it out... still thinking about it.
i think my clavicles were my next and
most recent piercing after that...
took those out a couple months after because
they weren't even, and one wasn't deep enough.
and the one went under a tendon or something because
there was a weird bump. anyways...
i plan on getting them done again soon at a better place,
where they might actually do them right.
i was really sad that i had to take them out but figured
i'd look really dumb walking around with them being that way.
and my money was wasted.
then was my most recent tattoo, that is already
posted in here but i'll put it up anyways...
it was a bold decision but i love it, and my mom and aunt
don't seem to have any problems with it. i think they are used
to this. and i told my mom about it the night before so...you know.
about the script...it's a line from the poem
"a dream within a dream" by edgar allen poe.
i love this poem. very deep poem,
can be taken in many different ways. there is a
meaning to me beyond the poem. but a way that
i think and live. it would be hard to describe
to someone else. i don't even think derek gets it,
i have tried, though! but either way. it means a lot
to me. enough to get it on my chest.
as for my ear piercings. i've been doing those
by myself on and off for awhile now. they close up,
i just open them back up haha. they haven't closed
in a few years, though. i only have one hole in
each ear.
that's all i've done to myself to far...
more to come soon.
oh yeah,
and it is december! wow, this year
went by incredibly fast.
second christmas with derek.
:]
my dad is sending me thanksgiving day pictures today
i can't wait to see them! haha.
went by incredibly fast.
second christmas with derek.
:]
my dad is sending me thanksgiving day pictures today
i can't wait to see them! haha.
ahhhh
i am like 2 or three days behind on the gratitude journal.
i have been really busy.
i think i will leave off where i was, and maybe post
gratitude journal posts when i get the chance...
and not every single day.
-mints
i have been really busy.
i think i will leave off where i was, and maybe post
gratitude journal posts when i get the chance...
and not every single day.
-mints
gratitude journal [day three.]
1. ideas. i bought alice's adventures in wonderland, and through the looking glass tonight and me and my boo watched gremlins and i just thought...isn't it amazing how one person has a thought or an idea, does something with it...and then EVERYONE sees it how you saw it, or makes it their own. everyone is seeing, reading, or hearing YOUR idea. or how was love certain poets, writers, artists... we love their ideas. and what if those certain people had never been born and those exact ideas were never put into action? what if something happened in that person's life differently, causing them to be different people. we would never have seen those ideas. and don't even get me started on people who invented things we use everyday! it amazes me. a person thought something up and now we can't live without it.
2. drama. lol. i know that sounds crazy but what would our lives be like if everyone we met was pleasant? if we never had an "oh no she didn't" moment to tell everyone about later, or if we never got in fights. let's face it...we need drama in our lives, or else it would get boring. i don't mind drama...i don't CAUSE drama, but it doesn't really bother me. i know i'll get over it sooner or later haha. and while it is happening it's that little rush of adrenaline. OH NO SHE DIDN'T. cut me in line. call me miserable. etc, etc. even the little things. the big things, are not so fun. like... boyfriend problems, family problems...but those teach you things, about yourself and about everyone else involved. so i guess it can be a positive thing, right? a learning experience in the end. as long as you get over it. because if the drama makes itself permanent in your life, you are probably the one causing it. no diggity.
3. yeah, yeah i get sick of people asking about my tattoos and piercings. and some people looking at me like i am disgusting. but then there are the older people, or middle-aged people who you would expect to be like "ew" and they are like "wow, that actually looks REALLY nice!" or asking me how i get it in/out, why i got it there, etc...and then saying "it's not for me but it looks really nice on you" just the fact that they asked because they wanted to know, and not to embarrass me. some people will ask me and then say "thats disgusting" or grab their face and cringe and say "ewwww" it's like, yeah...thanks. but when the people you least expect to like them do...it gives you a little bit of hope. like, maybe i should assume people LOVE them before i assume they hate them. which i usually do anyways haha but it's a good way to think about everything. don't always assume people are being so critical of you.
4. people. soo many different people. everyone we talk to changes our day, which in turn changes our life in some way or another. may it be small or big. anyone we see might change the way we think of/look at something. when we see other people interacting it can make us sad, or happy, or sympathetic, or angry, etc. people react to other people's actions. when you are driving and someone is being an a-hole, that can put you in a bad mood. and vice versa. the tiniest comment can change your day. i think it's amazing. i think things happen for a reason and we run into/meet/see certain people for a reason. and i think it's great. i love it.
5. my rationality. i am always always always rationalizing and i try to stop myself sometimes because i think i am making excuses for other people acting certain ways. but i am realizing that there is a difference. when i rationalize i think of every possible reason someone could have treated me the way they did. be it good or bad. sometimes it's not even worth thinking about, by my brain just does it. and it really helps me keep my cool. and sort out the right response. i am pretty good at figuring out why someone is acting a certain way, and i am good at responding accordingly. i LOVE that. i really do appreciate it. i'm going to attribute it either to my father's calm demeanor or my mother's overthinking. maybe it is both. i call it my way of rationalizing because it tends to diffuse a lot of situations. and if i see that someone has no reason to act a certain way [negatively] i just assume that they are jealous [because that IS a main cause of rage without a reason] or that that have their own issues to work out. i ignore those people, because a reaction is what they are looking for...and it's hard sometimes but you know. i'm glad i can SEE why people act certain ways instead of just looking past the WHY and getting mad just because the other person is. i know people who get mad just because the other person is, without thinking and don't even want to hear the WHY, and i think that is a good way to give yourself a headache. so again, i'm really happy with the way my brain functions. haha. i AM a hypocrite regarding this while i am PMSing, though. that's a promise. i am a different person almost. eek.
2. drama. lol. i know that sounds crazy but what would our lives be like if everyone we met was pleasant? if we never had an "oh no she didn't" moment to tell everyone about later, or if we never got in fights. let's face it...we need drama in our lives, or else it would get boring. i don't mind drama...i don't CAUSE drama, but it doesn't really bother me. i know i'll get over it sooner or later haha. and while it is happening it's that little rush of adrenaline. OH NO SHE DIDN'T. cut me in line. call me miserable. etc, etc. even the little things. the big things, are not so fun. like... boyfriend problems, family problems...but those teach you things, about yourself and about everyone else involved. so i guess it can be a positive thing, right? a learning experience in the end. as long as you get over it. because if the drama makes itself permanent in your life, you are probably the one causing it. no diggity.
3. yeah, yeah i get sick of people asking about my tattoos and piercings. and some people looking at me like i am disgusting. but then there are the older people, or middle-aged people who you would expect to be like "ew" and they are like "wow, that actually looks REALLY nice!" or asking me how i get it in/out, why i got it there, etc...and then saying "it's not for me but it looks really nice on you" just the fact that they asked because they wanted to know, and not to embarrass me. some people will ask me and then say "thats disgusting" or grab their face and cringe and say "ewwww" it's like, yeah...thanks. but when the people you least expect to like them do...it gives you a little bit of hope. like, maybe i should assume people LOVE them before i assume they hate them. which i usually do anyways haha but it's a good way to think about everything. don't always assume people are being so critical of you.
4. people. soo many different people. everyone we talk to changes our day, which in turn changes our life in some way or another. may it be small or big. anyone we see might change the way we think of/look at something. when we see other people interacting it can make us sad, or happy, or sympathetic, or angry, etc. people react to other people's actions. when you are driving and someone is being an a-hole, that can put you in a bad mood. and vice versa. the tiniest comment can change your day. i think it's amazing. i think things happen for a reason and we run into/meet/see certain people for a reason. and i think it's great. i love it.
5. my rationality. i am always always always rationalizing and i try to stop myself sometimes because i think i am making excuses for other people acting certain ways. but i am realizing that there is a difference. when i rationalize i think of every possible reason someone could have treated me the way they did. be it good or bad. sometimes it's not even worth thinking about, by my brain just does it. and it really helps me keep my cool. and sort out the right response. i am pretty good at figuring out why someone is acting a certain way, and i am good at responding accordingly. i LOVE that. i really do appreciate it. i'm going to attribute it either to my father's calm demeanor or my mother's overthinking. maybe it is both. i call it my way of rationalizing because it tends to diffuse a lot of situations. and if i see that someone has no reason to act a certain way [negatively] i just assume that they are jealous [because that IS a main cause of rage without a reason] or that that have their own issues to work out. i ignore those people, because a reaction is what they are looking for...and it's hard sometimes but you know. i'm glad i can SEE why people act certain ways instead of just looking past the WHY and getting mad just because the other person is. i know people who get mad just because the other person is, without thinking and don't even want to hear the WHY, and i think that is a good way to give yourself a headache. so again, i'm really happy with the way my brain functions. haha. i AM a hypocrite regarding this while i am PMSing, though. that's a promise. i am a different person almost. eek.
gratitude journal [day two.]
1. approval of people who matter. my aunt liz and my mom's reaction to my tattoo. surprisingly awesome. they called me downstairs and i already knew what it was about haha. my aunt was like, "i am an english teacher and you weren't going to show me?" so i took them in the bathroom and showed them and they both said it was very nice and laughed and my aunt said it should have a period and quotations and my mom just said i am her little mary penny.wild child. it made me feel a lot better about it. my only qualm was what my family would think and they approved so i am feeling very very well! ;]
2. animals. at horseback riding last night i was tacking up happy and he was trying to take treats out of my pocket and he was acting all shooter-ish when i was riding him haha. but i love interacting with animals... it's so weird. i love all the doggies in my family, and i love hearing about peoples pets. animals are better companions than people when you are hurting, that's for sure. i can't imagine being with someone who didn't love and appreciate animals as much as i do.
3. compliments. so many people have been complimenting me on my hair. it makes me feel good. i guess that it why i like to change my hair sometimes but i really do love the red and always have. also, my family members kept telling me that i am wasting away and that they are going to sit me down and feed me. i haven't even realized i had lost weight. i thought i was gaining! [but that could be the pms] but it felt really good to hear those things. i'm not the type to fish for compliments, and i don't take them well most of the time. either getting shy about it, or not knowing what to say back, and being uncomfortable. but lately i feel good about them. and they make me feel good about myself.
4. my boyfriend, derek. he is a good guy. seeing him interact with my family tonight even while i was out drying dishes. and playing scat with me and my grandma and cousins and brothers. it felt really good. and enduring my other grandma's questions and stories. and when she made me tell her all the details of how we met. it was cute. and my mom and sister turned around in the living room to listen. it's a stupid story but they thought it was funny. anyways, back to him... he makes me feel good...and he gets along with my family. and he made the pudding surprise they have been begging for since last thanksgiving. i couldn't ask for a better boyfriend, really. he is good to me.
5. my grandparents. both sides. but when i lose hope in marriage and life companions...i think of my grandparents on my mom's side. 56 years now. and they are SO cute. i love them so much. and i know they love me and wish they saw more of me. my grandma begged me to come see her more often and when me and derek have off to come over for dinner. i wish i didn't work so much just to see them more. they go to alabama every year for as long as i can remember and they said that this is their last year because they think they are too old to keep driving down there. which makes me sad because you don't realize people are getting older, you know what i mean? you don't realize until something happens to throw it in your face. i vow to myself to see them more often. because i know if i don't, i will regret it. my grandma told us how when she was in college she dyed her hair light pink. i thought that was so awesome and makes me see a little more of myself in her. she has been through a lot and is still an amazing person with a lot to teach me, even though sometimes i don't want to listen. i bet my grandpa misses when we were all little and wanted to watch him do his magic tricks. to think that when my sister or i have kids they will be great grandparents... i barely remember my great grandparents...which makes me sad that my kids may not know my grandparents very well. my grandpa was the first buffalo police officer to have a college degree in criminal justice. they fostered several kids over the years, even with four of their own, and everyone was treated with the same love. and they are just amazing people. i don't happen to know my dad's father too well because he is very reserved...but i do know my grandma, and i don't want to leave her out of this because she is an amazing person. and amazing grandma, she is like my dad and would do anything for us. and i should go visit her more often, too. i love them. it's funny how we take our families for granted when they had the most to do with making us who we are.
2. animals. at horseback riding last night i was tacking up happy and he was trying to take treats out of my pocket and he was acting all shooter-ish when i was riding him haha. but i love interacting with animals... it's so weird. i love all the doggies in my family, and i love hearing about peoples pets. animals are better companions than people when you are hurting, that's for sure. i can't imagine being with someone who didn't love and appreciate animals as much as i do.
3. compliments. so many people have been complimenting me on my hair. it makes me feel good. i guess that it why i like to change my hair sometimes but i really do love the red and always have. also, my family members kept telling me that i am wasting away and that they are going to sit me down and feed me. i haven't even realized i had lost weight. i thought i was gaining! [but that could be the pms] but it felt really good to hear those things. i'm not the type to fish for compliments, and i don't take them well most of the time. either getting shy about it, or not knowing what to say back, and being uncomfortable. but lately i feel good about them. and they make me feel good about myself.
4. my boyfriend, derek. he is a good guy. seeing him interact with my family tonight even while i was out drying dishes. and playing scat with me and my grandma and cousins and brothers. it felt really good. and enduring my other grandma's questions and stories. and when she made me tell her all the details of how we met. it was cute. and my mom and sister turned around in the living room to listen. it's a stupid story but they thought it was funny. anyways, back to him... he makes me feel good...and he gets along with my family. and he made the pudding surprise they have been begging for since last thanksgiving. i couldn't ask for a better boyfriend, really. he is good to me.
5. my grandparents. both sides. but when i lose hope in marriage and life companions...i think of my grandparents on my mom's side. 56 years now. and they are SO cute. i love them so much. and i know they love me and wish they saw more of me. my grandma begged me to come see her more often and when me and derek have off to come over for dinner. i wish i didn't work so much just to see them more. they go to alabama every year for as long as i can remember and they said that this is their last year because they think they are too old to keep driving down there. which makes me sad because you don't realize people are getting older, you know what i mean? you don't realize until something happens to throw it in your face. i vow to myself to see them more often. because i know if i don't, i will regret it. my grandma told us how when she was in college she dyed her hair light pink. i thought that was so awesome and makes me see a little more of myself in her. she has been through a lot and is still an amazing person with a lot to teach me, even though sometimes i don't want to listen. i bet my grandpa misses when we were all little and wanted to watch him do his magic tricks. to think that when my sister or i have kids they will be great grandparents... i barely remember my great grandparents...which makes me sad that my kids may not know my grandparents very well. my grandpa was the first buffalo police officer to have a college degree in criminal justice. they fostered several kids over the years, even with four of their own, and everyone was treated with the same love. and they are just amazing people. i don't happen to know my dad's father too well because he is very reserved...but i do know my grandma, and i don't want to leave her out of this because she is an amazing person. and amazing grandma, she is like my dad and would do anything for us. and i should go visit her more often, too. i love them. it's funny how we take our families for granted when they had the most to do with making us who we are.
gratitude journal [day one.]
1. i saw alyssa and steph today at forever 21. two of my oldest and at one point best friends. when you don't see someone after a very long time sometimes you forget how things used to be. especially with friends. because you drift apart and get busy and do your own things. i knew steph since kindergarten and lyss since 2nd grade. we all said that there was "nothing new" with us, when really it's just because we didn't have time to say ALL the things that are new since we haven't had girl talk in years and years. but i was happy for the hugs and to be reminded of good times. i am still smiling.
2. i loved seeing beyonce on tyra! a silly thing to be thankful for but she is so humble and private and i really respect that. she is a beautiful person.and she cried when she sang "if i were a boy" ...i mean she usually cries when she does "flaws and all" but...i don't think she is acting, like a lot of people do. i think her songs mean a lot to her and she knows how much they mean to other people. those songs tend to make me cry on occasion, too. even if her's is fake, that's okay. she is very inspiring to me...not to be a singer, or famous really...it's just something about her that makes you want to be your best. she is so graceful. so though i am not really "thankful" for beyonce being on tyra...it made me smile.
3. the people i work with. yeah. i walked in to get my check today and they always say hi to me and smile, especially tammy. who is in love with derek and i as a couple. anyways... though everyone is not always so personable, there is usually at least one person who is happy to see me. or at least acts like it. and it makes me feel like i actually like working there sometimes haha. then i went to see my boo and i always like seeing him at work because that's where i met him.
4. the fact that i am so laid back and naturally focus on the positive and do not dwell. i have notice people who are constantly sad, miserable, mad, etc. over the past. and yeah those things may have hurt you but... there is nothing you can do about the past, only the future...so make your future happy by seeing everything good that can happen in it. and make the most of it. i know my mom is a dweller and it's impossible to push her out of her slumps...she is still mad about things that happened a long time ago just as if they happened yesterday. i just don't get it. i am SO grateful for my dad's patience, and ability to move on from negative things or turn them into something positive. for his ability to take things in stride and move past them. i can't thank him enough for giving me that! even if he really had very little to do with it.
5. i'll get this out of the way now with the first post... my family. i cannot tell you enough how much i love my mom, dad, sister, and brothers. sure, my mom has some trust/emotional/dwelling issues but don't we all? i wish i could bring her out of that and show her what an amazing life she could have if she just let herself be happy, but she won't really let anybody do that so when she has her good days and bad days, you just accept them. but i can say she rarely yelled at us, never hit/spanked us, and always had our best interests at heart. and i regret taking advantage of how much she wanted to give us and i am sorry that that ungratefulness is already instilled in my brothers as well, but we do love her and we do appreciate everything she does for us/gives us. we were just "taught" that if you lose or break something, you just get a new one. i am really happy she was/is my mom, though. i would not have been the same person. i would probably not be so sensitive. and then there is my dad. he really is the best dad in the world. he never yells, he never swears, and he always apologizes when he is wrong. he is so patient and understanding and accepting. and so laid back. and will do ANYTHING for his kids. and i mean anything. i know that he would go to the ends of the earth to help me with something i needed and i really really appreciate that. i am so glad i got his patient personality like i said before. i don't tell him i love him enough. and barely did when i was younger. because things were different. but i know he knows i do. as for my sister, we did not get along so well when she was a teenager but i remember before that, and after that phase. it's nice to have an older sister. i do look up to her even if i don't show her that. she had her own house at 27. she's single and fine with that, and she is extremely fashionable. which i know very well because i used to take her clothes out of her closet haha. she lets her little sister rent from her and live in her house. i think we admire different things in each other. i admire her will power and i think she admires my let it be, live your life attitude. i've often said i wish i had an older brother but again, i would be a different person. my brother jake, i remember when my mom was pregnant with him. i remember his lazy eye and huge glasses and big curly hair. he was the cutest. i remember building forts and stuff with him. and making up games. we had SO much fun as kids. i'm only 4 years older than him even though i feel a lot older now. and billy, things were the same with him only he is 6 years younger than me they have very different personalities. jake would always get mad and me and bill would be the ones laughing at him.it was fun having two little brothers. i think they helped keep my imagination alive and i am VERY thankful for that. they also kept the little kid in me alive. when we are all together now we still act like we are in elementary school. it's a good thing to have. i would never ever wish again that things were different.
i'm sure we'll be taking family pictures tomorrow at thanksgiving AS ALWAYS!
maybe i will post one or two.
2. i loved seeing beyonce on tyra! a silly thing to be thankful for but she is so humble and private and i really respect that. she is a beautiful person.and she cried when she sang "if i were a boy" ...i mean she usually cries when she does "flaws and all" but...i don't think she is acting, like a lot of people do. i think her songs mean a lot to her and she knows how much they mean to other people. those songs tend to make me cry on occasion, too. even if her's is fake, that's okay. she is very inspiring to me...not to be a singer, or famous really...it's just something about her that makes you want to be your best. she is so graceful. so though i am not really "thankful" for beyonce being on tyra...it made me smile.
3. the people i work with. yeah. i walked in to get my check today and they always say hi to me and smile, especially tammy. who is in love with derek and i as a couple. anyways... though everyone is not always so personable, there is usually at least one person who is happy to see me. or at least acts like it. and it makes me feel like i actually like working there sometimes haha. then i went to see my boo and i always like seeing him at work because that's where i met him.
4. the fact that i am so laid back and naturally focus on the positive and do not dwell. i have notice people who are constantly sad, miserable, mad, etc. over the past. and yeah those things may have hurt you but... there is nothing you can do about the past, only the future...so make your future happy by seeing everything good that can happen in it. and make the most of it. i know my mom is a dweller and it's impossible to push her out of her slumps...she is still mad about things that happened a long time ago just as if they happened yesterday. i just don't get it. i am SO grateful for my dad's patience, and ability to move on from negative things or turn them into something positive. for his ability to take things in stride and move past them. i can't thank him enough for giving me that! even if he really had very little to do with it.
5. i'll get this out of the way now with the first post... my family. i cannot tell you enough how much i love my mom, dad, sister, and brothers. sure, my mom has some trust/emotional/dwelling issues but don't we all? i wish i could bring her out of that and show her what an amazing life she could have if she just let herself be happy, but she won't really let anybody do that so when she has her good days and bad days, you just accept them. but i can say she rarely yelled at us, never hit/spanked us, and always had our best interests at heart. and i regret taking advantage of how much she wanted to give us and i am sorry that that ungratefulness is already instilled in my brothers as well, but we do love her and we do appreciate everything she does for us/gives us. we were just "taught" that if you lose or break something, you just get a new one. i am really happy she was/is my mom, though. i would not have been the same person. i would probably not be so sensitive. and then there is my dad. he really is the best dad in the world. he never yells, he never swears, and he always apologizes when he is wrong. he is so patient and understanding and accepting. and so laid back. and will do ANYTHING for his kids. and i mean anything. i know that he would go to the ends of the earth to help me with something i needed and i really really appreciate that. i am so glad i got his patient personality like i said before. i don't tell him i love him enough. and barely did when i was younger. because things were different. but i know he knows i do. as for my sister, we did not get along so well when she was a teenager but i remember before that, and after that phase. it's nice to have an older sister. i do look up to her even if i don't show her that. she had her own house at 27. she's single and fine with that, and she is extremely fashionable. which i know very well because i used to take her clothes out of her closet haha. she lets her little sister rent from her and live in her house. i think we admire different things in each other. i admire her will power and i think she admires my let it be, live your life attitude. i've often said i wish i had an older brother but again, i would be a different person. my brother jake, i remember when my mom was pregnant with him. i remember his lazy eye and huge glasses and big curly hair. he was the cutest. i remember building forts and stuff with him. and making up games. we had SO much fun as kids. i'm only 4 years older than him even though i feel a lot older now. and billy, things were the same with him only he is 6 years younger than me they have very different personalities. jake would always get mad and me and bill would be the ones laughing at him.it was fun having two little brothers. i think they helped keep my imagination alive and i am VERY thankful for that. they also kept the little kid in me alive. when we are all together now we still act like we are in elementary school. it's a good thing to have. i would never ever wish again that things were different.
i'm sure we'll be taking family pictures tomorrow at thanksgiving AS ALWAYS!
maybe i will post one or two.
thanks, oprah.
in light of the thanksgiving/ christmas
holiday season... i am going to start something
that i saw on oprah a long time ago.
a gratitude journal.
instead of looking at the negative things that
happen each day i will be forced to look for
the positive things! which will therefore improve
my [already extremely positive] attitude!
5 things that happen to me each day
that i am grateful for.
i am going to try and do things
that happen to me each day instead of just
THINGS i am grateful for because...
that would just be mundane.
so here we go.
will have better ones at another time.
holiday season... i am going to start something
that i saw on oprah a long time ago.
a gratitude journal.
instead of looking at the negative things that
happen each day i will be forced to look for
the positive things! which will therefore improve
my [already extremely positive] attitude!
5 things that happen to me each day
that i am grateful for.
i am going to try and do things
that happen to me each day instead of just
THINGS i am grateful for because...
that would just be mundane.
so here we go.
will have better ones at another time.
mush.
i am sooo mushy. got dang i hate
being a woman sometimes. or just the fact
that i have the single worst case of pms
in the world. and don't even get me started
on my cramps.
so anyways, looking at the still from the oprah
video in my previous post actually makes my heart
drop. that boy just gets to me for some reason.
i'm telling you it's my weakness for younger brothers,
i feel a need to protect them. my little bruddas. <3
i have been texting them a lot lately, i feel a need
to keep in touch because i moved out when i was 19.
we were really close. my sister didn't move out til she
was 25 or 26 i think...but i'm sure they understand.
they got my room, so i think they are happy haha. my room
was literally the size of derek's entire apt.
and my brothers had a tiny room to share. so i'm glad they
got it haha.
okay and we have this salvation army tree at work
with slips that have a needy kid's name on it and
what they REALLY REALLY want for xmas and their clothes
size in case you want to get them something extra.
and i had to take one. looking at that tree made me want
to cry because a lot of the kids just wanted something
so simple. i picked a kid who wanted a 6 inch michael jordan
figurine. i'm going to get him some other stuff too but
omg i want to cry. i wish i would have got the littlest pet
shop one because i am obsessed with it even though they aren't
the same as when i was little but...i bought some for samantha
haha because EVERYBODY SHOULD HAVE LITTLEST PET SHOP.
but i am happy with the kid i picked. if i could, i would
have picked every single one but...i am not that fortunate.
allison's sister got a new puppy and i love him! his name
is jake and he is a lab/chow mix. he looks a lot more lab but
he has the curly chow tail and the underside of his tongue is black
haha. he is tan/yellowish. he's a little brat but he's so fluffy.[:
one more thing, i got my hair cut today. it's pretty short.
a little past my shoulders. i used to like my hair down to my butt
but lately i like it like middle of my back. my hair grows so fast though
that if i get it cut where i want it, it will be too long in a week or so.
and allison dyed it red again. only we put less blonde in this time...
and OMG it is RED. super red. i don't mind, i really like it
but i might look like my head is on fire.
i'm cool wid it do.
okay time for hot cocoa latte with my boo.
cuddles fo sho.
-mints.
being a woman sometimes. or just the fact
that i have the single worst case of pms
in the world. and don't even get me started
on my cramps.
so anyways, looking at the still from the oprah
video in my previous post actually makes my heart
drop. that boy just gets to me for some reason.
i'm telling you it's my weakness for younger brothers,
i feel a need to protect them. my little bruddas. <3
i have been texting them a lot lately, i feel a need
to keep in touch because i moved out when i was 19.
we were really close. my sister didn't move out til she
was 25 or 26 i think...but i'm sure they understand.
they got my room, so i think they are happy haha. my room
was literally the size of derek's entire apt.
and my brothers had a tiny room to share. so i'm glad they
got it haha.
okay and we have this salvation army tree at work
with slips that have a needy kid's name on it and
what they REALLY REALLY want for xmas and their clothes
size in case you want to get them something extra.
and i had to take one. looking at that tree made me want
to cry because a lot of the kids just wanted something
so simple. i picked a kid who wanted a 6 inch michael jordan
figurine. i'm going to get him some other stuff too but
omg i want to cry. i wish i would have got the littlest pet
shop one because i am obsessed with it even though they aren't
the same as when i was little but...i bought some for samantha
haha because EVERYBODY SHOULD HAVE LITTLEST PET SHOP.
but i am happy with the kid i picked. if i could, i would
have picked every single one but...i am not that fortunate.
allison's sister got a new puppy and i love him! his name
is jake and he is a lab/chow mix. he looks a lot more lab but
he has the curly chow tail and the underside of his tongue is black
haha. he is tan/yellowish. he's a little brat but he's so fluffy.[:
one more thing, i got my hair cut today. it's pretty short.
a little past my shoulders. i used to like my hair down to my butt
but lately i like it like middle of my back. my hair grows so fast though
that if i get it cut where i want it, it will be too long in a week or so.
and allison dyed it red again. only we put less blonde in this time...
and OMG it is RED. super red. i don't mind, i really like it
but i might look like my head is on fire.
i'm cool wid it do.
okay time for hot cocoa latte with my boo.
cuddles fo sho.
-mints.
i get teary eyed watching this.
i don't know why.
probably because i am pmsing.
but that poor kid has to live like that
and he is such a nice kid, and is totally
okay with everything. and to be his parents
and not know if there could be health
problems in the future is so sad.
i just feel sad that they are watching their
son love life and be a kid but at the same time
they don't know how much longer they will
be able to watch him do that.
not that there WILL be problems,
but there could be.
i guess i just relate it to my brothers.
i love my brothers so much,
i hope they know that.
oh,btwantm
i am really mad that mckey
[who's real name is brittany but she
thinks she is sweet because she got
to use the name mckey, probably something
she made up when she was 10 and used
to lie to all her friends and
say it was her real name and she has been
waiting to use it ever since and will probably
change it legally now that she is a "model"]
won.
she creeps me out.
yeah, she looks good in pictures but from watching
the show, she just has one of those creepy personalities
where if you were in a room with her alone,
or maybe just in a room with her- you would feel uncomfortable.
and no i am not bitter because my boo didn't win
[my boo]
because i was rooting for other people after she left.
i really liked marjorie.
even though she was super awkward, she knew
how to use it. i mean yeah she was probably
extremely frustrating to have a conversation
with but... whatever.
i also liked analeigh for a second.
anyone but "mckey"
and that's all i have to say about that.
[who's real name is brittany but she
thinks she is sweet because she got
to use the name mckey, probably something
she made up when she was 10 and used
to lie to all her friends and
say it was her real name and she has been
waiting to use it ever since and will probably
change it legally now that she is a "model"]
won.
she creeps me out.
yeah, she looks good in pictures but from watching
the show, she just has one of those creepy personalities
where if you were in a room with her alone,
or maybe just in a room with her- you would feel uncomfortable.
and no i am not bitter because my boo didn't win
[my boo]
because i was rooting for other people after she left.
i really liked marjorie.
even though she was super awkward, she knew
how to use it. i mean yeah she was probably
extremely frustrating to have a conversation
with but... whatever.
i also liked analeigh for a second.
anyone but "mckey"
and that's all i have to say about that.
i am sasha fierce
so , i bought it.
and if you're gonna buy a cd
you might as well buy the deluxe edition, right?
i think it is really good.
i love her, so i may be biased.
ever since destiny's child...
beyonce's voice has always gotten to me.
the beyonce part of the album is
slow but she is so good at those songs.
even if the situation has nothing to do
with what i am going through, it can
make me feel like crying.
and the sasha fierce side is good for
dancing around the living room
in your panty draws.
or in a club, maybe. lol.
but the only song i don't like
is diva.
i don't really like the word diva anymore.
haha i don't know why.
it's a good cd, though. def.
and while i listen to it...
derek will be studying the pictures
in the little booklet.
and telling beyonce all the things
he'd like to do to her.
right. hahaha.
and if you're gonna buy a cd
you might as well buy the deluxe edition, right?
i think it is really good.
i love her, so i may be biased.
ever since destiny's child...
beyonce's voice has always gotten to me.
the beyonce part of the album is
slow but she is so good at those songs.
even if the situation has nothing to do
with what i am going through, it can
make me feel like crying.
and the sasha fierce side is good for
dancing around the living room
in your panty draws.
or in a club, maybe. lol.
but the only song i don't like
is diva.
i don't really like the word diva anymore.
haha i don't know why.
it's a good cd, though. def.
and while i listen to it...
derek will be studying the pictures
in the little booklet.
and telling beyonce all the things
he'd like to do to her.
right. hahaha.
worn out.
comment on my tattoo;
"you're gonna look real worn out when you're 40..."
it's funny how people think i care about that.
all i want to be when i am 40 is happy!
i am not trying to be a model. what do i care
if i look "worn out"...and because of a tattoo?
and if i don't like it when i am 40, then i am
sure i will have plenty of other things to
worry about aside from a tattoo i LOVED when
i was younger.
and anybody who happens to love me along the way
will love my tattoos, too...because they are a part
of me. and the only people who will matter are
the ones that love me!
i'm so tired of people asking why did i get tattoos,
what will i think when i am older, what will other people think
when i am older?
i am not one to think about the future very much.
i just let things happen. i happened to get my tattoos
and i have yet to run into any determining problems
such as not being offered a job, which is really the only
thing a tattoo can effect.
and let's face it...when our generation is old...
we will all be full of ink! nobody is going to
care. so as far as when i am older, i'm sure 1 out of every
3 people that are my age will have a tattoo.
and i will encourage my kids to get tattoos!
however, i will supervise what they get...
no tribal or tramp stamps for my future babies.
and the artist they go to.
because if i kept going to my other tattoo "artist",
i can guarantee you i would be embarassed of
my chest right now. but i am not. whew.
i'm just so tired of negativity. if i'm
not hurting you then why do you care?
really?
my mom and sister both have said,
"what about at your wedding?"
well, it will be MY wedding...and
since i love my tattoos...whats the problem?
my wedding will be for me right?
not for everyone else to judge me?
i don't even plan on wearing a big fancy
dress when i get married, and allison
has had words with me for that.
i just want a fancy cake and lots of dancing.
but that is off topic.
someone on the message board
even took the time to make this for me...
lol at my tattoos hindering my job
opportunities.
all three of my tattoos are EASILY concealed.
get over yourselves!
and the people who are saying we will regret our tattoos
are the ones without tattoos, or with really bad ones.
more ink for us.
it's not that i have gotten all negative comments about
my tattoo...the majority have been VERY positive.
i have even had a couple people recognize that it
was from edgar allen poe. which warmed my heart.
i love how people can learn about each other
just from their tattoos. it's like when bikers wave
to each other. when you see someone with a cool
tattoo and then they look at yours it's almost
like a wave, right?
you recognize the commonality in each other.
however small it may be. you both endured
the pain of the needle. grrrrr.
and those meetings often lead to...
"so how much did that one hurt?"
how could you not want a tattoo.
and don't even get me started on piercings...
apparently people don't realize that they are easily removed.
and though some people care about scars,
i love scars...so i guess that's why i don't mind.
LONG LIVE THE BODY MODS!
pssst...
donald trump is not fond of tattoos!
and i was right about 1/3 people under 30 having
at least one tattoo. so by the time we are old,
maybe it will be 1/2. [;
"The researchers found that people who drink, do drugs, have spent time in jail or have given up religion are more likely to be tattooed"
awww i got a tattoo because i don't believe in god.
i always knew there was a reason behind it.
"you're gonna look real worn out when you're 40..."
it's funny how people think i care about that.
all i want to be when i am 40 is happy!
i am not trying to be a model. what do i care
if i look "worn out"...and because of a tattoo?
and if i don't like it when i am 40, then i am
sure i will have plenty of other things to
worry about aside from a tattoo i LOVED when
i was younger.
and anybody who happens to love me along the way
will love my tattoos, too...because they are a part
of me. and the only people who will matter are
the ones that love me!
i'm so tired of people asking why did i get tattoos,
what will i think when i am older, what will other people think
when i am older?
i am not one to think about the future very much.
i just let things happen. i happened to get my tattoos
and i have yet to run into any determining problems
such as not being offered a job, which is really the only
thing a tattoo can effect.
and let's face it...when our generation is old...
we will all be full of ink! nobody is going to
care. so as far as when i am older, i'm sure 1 out of every
3 people that are my age will have a tattoo.
and i will encourage my kids to get tattoos!
however, i will supervise what they get...
no tribal or tramp stamps for my future babies.
and the artist they go to.
because if i kept going to my other tattoo "artist",
i can guarantee you i would be embarassed of
my chest right now. but i am not. whew.
i'm just so tired of negativity. if i'm
not hurting you then why do you care?
really?
my mom and sister both have said,
"what about at your wedding?"
well, it will be MY wedding...and
since i love my tattoos...whats the problem?
my wedding will be for me right?
not for everyone else to judge me?
i don't even plan on wearing a big fancy
dress when i get married, and allison
has had words with me for that.
i just want a fancy cake and lots of dancing.
but that is off topic.
someone on the message board
even took the time to make this for me...
lol at my tattoos hindering my job
opportunities.
all three of my tattoos are EASILY concealed.
get over yourselves!
and the people who are saying we will regret our tattoos
are the ones without tattoos, or with really bad ones.
more ink for us.
it's not that i have gotten all negative comments about
my tattoo...the majority have been VERY positive.
i have even had a couple people recognize that it
was from edgar allen poe. which warmed my heart.
i love how people can learn about each other
just from their tattoos. it's like when bikers wave
to each other. when you see someone with a cool
tattoo and then they look at yours it's almost
like a wave, right?
you recognize the commonality in each other.
however small it may be. you both endured
the pain of the needle. grrrrr.
and those meetings often lead to...
"so how much did that one hurt?"
how could you not want a tattoo.
and don't even get me started on piercings...
apparently people don't realize that they are easily removed.
and though some people care about scars,
i love scars...so i guess that's why i don't mind.
LONG LIVE THE BODY MODS!
pssst...
donald trump is not fond of tattoos!
and i was right about 1/3 people under 30 having
at least one tattoo. so by the time we are old,
maybe it will be 1/2. [;
"The researchers found that people who drink, do drugs, have spent time in jail or have given up religion are more likely to be tattooed"
awww i got a tattoo because i don't believe in god.
i always knew there was a reason behind it.
literal.
i submitted my tat to literary tattoos.
i gave a weak explanation but it would
take a while to say what it means to me.
i will submit derek's later when he tells
me what he wants me to write.
i love my tattoo.
i love his tattoo.
last night i told him he will always remember
me because we got our big tattoos together.
and he said "you think i would forget about you?"
i said "maybe" and he said "why?"
"...i don't know".
i don't know?
i rode wildfire today, he is a grey
pony with blue eyes and i am so in love
with him. he cuddles me and likes when
you brush his face.
he is so much different than happy,
he's much smaller than happy and
his canter is so tiny that you
barely feel him under you. so cute.
he looks like a breyer horse with his little
pink hooves. i wish i had taken a picture
after i gave him his bath.
and today kim told derek &i that we are MEANT to be
and though i hate "meant to be's" and "soul mates"
i can't help but think about the whole way things
happened. how i saw him everywhere after i saw him
at work. and how i was just drawn to him. even though
i had always dated um...black guys before. it was just
something about him.
and i know it was an unfortunate end for
his prior relationship, and my intent was never to impose...
but i truly believe things happen for a reason.
i really do. and that will always comfort me,
even when i feel like i did the wrong thing.
plus i am tired of dwelling, i just want to LIVE!
after i ride, it's like i just went to an hour long
therapy session, and things just float through
my head as opposed to everything cramming
itself in at once.
the tattoo makes me feel good, too.
even if people tell me they like it
and then go to someone else and say
"WHY DID SHE DO THAT?!"
not cool, guyzzzz.
i gave a weak explanation but it would
take a while to say what it means to me.
i will submit derek's later when he tells
me what he wants me to write.
i love my tattoo.
i love his tattoo.
last night i told him he will always remember
me because we got our big tattoos together.
and he said "you think i would forget about you?"
i said "maybe" and he said "why?"
"...i don't know".
i don't know?
i rode wildfire today, he is a grey
pony with blue eyes and i am so in love
with him. he cuddles me and likes when
you brush his face.
he is so much different than happy,
he's much smaller than happy and
his canter is so tiny that you
barely feel him under you. so cute.
he looks like a breyer horse with his little
pink hooves. i wish i had taken a picture
after i gave him his bath.
and today kim told derek &i that we are MEANT to be
and though i hate "meant to be's" and "soul mates"
i can't help but think about the whole way things
happened. how i saw him everywhere after i saw him
at work. and how i was just drawn to him. even though
i had always dated um...black guys before. it was just
something about him.
and i know it was an unfortunate end for
his prior relationship, and my intent was never to impose...
but i truly believe things happen for a reason.
i really do. and that will always comfort me,
even when i feel like i did the wrong thing.
plus i am tired of dwelling, i just want to LIVE!
after i ride, it's like i just went to an hour long
therapy session, and things just float through
my head as opposed to everything cramming
itself in at once.
the tattoo makes me feel good, too.
even if people tell me they like it
and then go to someone else and say
"WHY DID SHE DO THAT?!"
not cool, guyzzzz.
inked.
my apologies for them being out of order.
him.
her.
them.
unsquished.
usssss.
being tough like joel told us to.
mid!
lol. his mug.
during.
also during.
so we didn't end up going around my neck like i wanted to
but i think this turned out to look really really good.
and better than it would have if we went with the original plan.
i love!
him.
her.
them.
unsquished.
usssss.
being tough like joel told us to.
mid!
lol. his mug.
during.
also during.
so we didn't end up going around my neck like i wanted to
but i think this turned out to look really really good.
and better than it would have if we went with the original plan.
i love!
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