gratitude journal [day one.]

1. i saw alyssa and steph today at forever 21. two of my oldest and at one point best friends. when you don't see someone after a very long time sometimes you forget how things used to be. especially with friends. because you drift apart and get busy and do your own things. i knew steph since kindergarten and lyss since 2nd grade. we all said that there was "nothing new" with us, when really it's just because we didn't have time to say ALL the things that are new since we haven't had girl talk in years and years. but i was happy for the hugs and to be reminded of good times. i am still smiling.

2. i loved seeing beyonce on tyra! a silly thing to be thankful for but she is so humble and private and i really respect that. she is a beautiful person.and she cried when she sang "if i were a boy" ...i mean she usually cries when she does "flaws and all" but...i don't think she is acting, like a lot of people do. i think her songs mean a lot to her and she knows how much they mean to other people. those songs tend to make me cry on occasion, too. even if her's is fake, that's okay. she is very inspiring to me...not to be a singer, or famous really...it's just something about her that makes you want to be your best. she is so graceful. so though i am not really "thankful" for beyonce being on tyra...it made me smile.

3. the people i work with. yeah. i walked in to get my check today and they always say hi to me and smile, especially tammy. who is in love with derek and i as a couple. anyways... though everyone is not always so personable, there is usually at least one person who is happy to see me. or at least acts like it. and it makes me feel like i actually like working there sometimes haha. then i went to see my boo and i always like seeing him at work because that's where i met him.

4. the fact that i am so laid back and naturally focus on the positive and do not dwell. i have notice people who are constantly sad, miserable, mad, etc. over the past. and yeah those things may have hurt you but... there is nothing you can do about the past, only the future...so make your future happy by seeing everything good that can happen in it. and make the most of it. i know my mom is a dweller and it's impossible to push her out of her slumps...she is still mad about things that happened a long time ago just as if they happened yesterday. i just don't get it. i am SO grateful for my dad's patience, and ability to move on from negative things or turn them into something positive. for his ability to take things in stride and move past them. i can't thank him enough for giving me that! even if he really had very little to do with it.

5. i'll get this out of the way now with the first post... my family. i cannot tell you enough how much i love my mom, dad, sister, and brothers. sure, my mom has some trust/emotional/dwelling issues but don't we all? i wish i could bring her out of that and show her what an amazing life she could have if she just let herself be happy, but she won't really let anybody do that so when she has her good days and bad days, you just accept them. but i can say she rarely yelled at us, never hit/spanked us, and always had our best interests at heart. and i regret taking advantage of how much she wanted to give us and i am sorry that that ungratefulness is already instilled in my brothers as well, but we do love her and we do appreciate everything she does for us/gives us. we were just "taught" that if you lose or break something, you just get a new one. i am really happy she was/is my mom, though. i would not have been the same person. i would probably not be so sensitive. and then there is my dad. he really is the best dad in the world. he never yells, he never swears, and he always apologizes when he is wrong. he is so patient and understanding and accepting. and so laid back. and will do ANYTHING for his kids. and i mean anything. i know that he would go to the ends of the earth to help me with something i needed and i really really appreciate that. i am so glad i got his patient personality like i said before. i don't tell him i love him enough. and barely did when i was younger. because things were different. but i know he knows i do. as for my sister, we did not get along so well when she was a teenager but i remember before that, and after that phase. it's nice to have an older sister. i do look up to her even if i don't show her that. she had her own house at 27. she's single and fine with that, and she is extremely fashionable. which i know very well because i used to take her clothes out of her closet haha. she lets her little sister rent from her and live in her house. i think we admire different things in each other. i admire her will power and i think she admires my let it be, live your life attitude. i've often said i wish i had an older brother but again, i would be a different person. my brother jake, i remember when my mom was pregnant with him. i remember his lazy eye and huge glasses and big curly hair. he was the cutest. i remember building forts and stuff with him. and making up games. we had SO much fun as kids. i'm only 4 years older than him even though i feel a lot older now. and billy, things were the same with him only he is 6 years younger than me they have very different personalities. jake would always get mad and me and bill would be the ones laughing at him.it was fun having two little brothers. i think they helped keep my imagination alive and i am VERY thankful for that. they also kept the little kid in me alive. when we are all together now we still act like we are in elementary school. it's a good thing to have. i would never ever wish again that things were different.

i'm sure we'll be taking family pictures tomorrow at thanksgiving AS ALWAYS!
maybe i will post one or two.