but sometimes

i feel like it was bigger than us,
like we are shrinking.

like it was so much MORE.
maybe that is my fault.

i feel like i'm hanging from a mobile.
above something so fantastic and peaceful.
going in circles. but stuck there.
while i look at what everything COULD be like,
i'm so disconnected from it.
what i'm connected to is what's holding me back.
how do i get off this thing?
someone could at least stop winding it up.
but i think it's me who is doing that, too.

i think too much.

but i hit a wall when i think about it
because i don't know what your thoughts
are and i don't know how you feel.
and i don't know what direction i am going in.
and i feel like maybe there is a part of you
i will never know, or never access
and i just want to cut that part away from your
body and stomp it to pieces.

i am so stressed my mind is spinning
i don't know what to be upset about first.
and maybe i make a bigger deal out of things
than i should but that's only because i don't
know how to talk about them until they feel HUGE
until they're so big that they are forcing
their way up my throat.
you know that lump you get when you're holding
back tears?
that's why i can't talk about things.
it doesn't let me talk.
it just chokes me up.
no talking, just tears...
let it come out anywhere but your mouth.

and at this point it could be about
something as stupid as why i can't
sleep in the dark by myself.

not a pretty sight.


blah.

-mints.