it's kindof strange how personal
our phones are to us, now.
cell phones, that is.
we don't take our house phones this seriously.
but cell phones...contain secrets.
secret numbers, voices, friends...
i used to use my phone like that,
to hide the guys on the side in.
under numbers and letters that sounded innocent.
i don't anymore, but when i did my phone
was glued to me. i feel stupid when i think of
how important my phone was to me because
of those reasons.
some people are so possesive of
their phones. god forbid someone else have
it in their hands.
and when someone is like that,
you know they are one of the people
that are hiding something.
secrets hidden
between plastic, microchips, and satellite signals.
well.
what's done in the dark.
my chest aches from fighting
to contain the sounds of pain.
i am very quiet when i cry.
to contain the sounds of pain.
i am very quiet when i cry.
got milk.
i do my best to avoid cow's milk.
i never buy it.
it's disgusting.
but when it comes to ice cream and cheese
and all of that, i will tolerate it.
however this...
http://www.wsoctv.com/news/17539538/detail.html
NO.
i'll be dizzamned if i'm going to drink
some LADY's milk that i don't know.
summary of the article,
a restaurant in switzerland uses human milk,
and now PETA is urging ben&jerry's to use human
milk in their ice cream.
sick.
imagine some ladies' you don't know, pumping
their boobs for milk and it goes into YOUR
ice cream. grosses me out.
-mints.
i never buy it.
it's disgusting.
but when it comes to ice cream and cheese
and all of that, i will tolerate it.
however this...
http://www.wsoctv.com/news/17539538/detail.html
NO.
i'll be dizzamned if i'm going to drink
some LADY's milk that i don't know.
summary of the article,
a restaurant in switzerland uses human milk,
and now PETA is urging ben&jerry's to use human
milk in their ice cream.
sick.
imagine some ladies' you don't know, pumping
their boobs for milk and it goes into YOUR
ice cream. grosses me out.
-mints.
lullaby.
i was sleeping fine last night then
when derek came in i woke up, and
for some reason everything was making me cry.
the music. the thoughts. especially the thoughts.
it's hard to think about anything without crying.
except riding.
i was mostly thinking about something that
happened with my mom and dad when i was younger.
don't want to put much detail on here but...
i realize now how unhappy they were.
how unhappy they might be now.
i remember them fighting occasionally.
my dad is a good person.
my mom almost in a way, turned us against our dad.
she gave us everything we could ever ask for
knowing that he wouldn't. so when he said no
it was all "I HATE YOU."
we were raised to be brats. that's all there is to it.
whether she did it intentionally, i'm not sure.
or maybe she just needed the attention.
but now i think about how alone my dad must have felt.
what more could he give us?
when i was little, a tool belt was enough.
i was a daddy's girl, i built things with him
in his workshop, i played baseball with him.
i loved my toolbelt.i loved baseball.
then when i was a teenager, i quit baseball.
my grades sucked. i didn't care. i still got whatever i wanted.
i have never been grounded or spanked and very seldom
yelled at in my life.
my dad never yelled. ever. and i get that from him.
i have his patience, and his let things happen attitude.
i am actually very very grateful for that.
my dad and i are closer now. but he is retired
and lives with my mom and brothers out in nowhere.
and i feel like he probably feels very alone again.
or maybe it never stopped.
my mom wasn't talking to him for a couple days,
probably over something stupid.
and my brothers are at the age where they are too cool
to hang with their dad.
i can see that he has been finding odd jobs to do and stuff
probably to stop him from being alone.
and when he calls, i can tell he doesn't want to
hang up. he just needs someone to ask him how
his day was. because at his home, nobody cares.
my mom is not a bad person.
she has had a hard life as a parent.
4 kids and both parents worked full time.
the anger and sadness, though;
it started when one of her patients died.
the baby lived, she didn't.
my mom sent the grandparents christmas cards,
and received pictures of the baby.
the girl who had the baby
was my age at the time. very young.
so that cut my mom very deep.
and she wouldn't tell me what the scariest
thing that ever happened to her was,
but i am willing to bet that was it.
i love my mom so much but no matter what
i do, it's not enough to bring her out
of her slump. it's been too long at this point,
by now it is her way of thinking.
the biggest hit, and what makes me cry
is what i do not want to put on the
internet. i try to talk to my sister
about it, but she says to forget it.
i can't. it still hurts.
my mom should not have told me it happened,
but she wanted me to hate my dad.
staying together "for the kids" is not
always the safe route, i guess.
i love my parents i just wish
that they could love each other.
-mints.
when derek came in i woke up, and
for some reason everything was making me cry.
the music. the thoughts. especially the thoughts.
it's hard to think about anything without crying.
except riding.
i was mostly thinking about something that
happened with my mom and dad when i was younger.
don't want to put much detail on here but...
i realize now how unhappy they were.
how unhappy they might be now.
i remember them fighting occasionally.
my dad is a good person.
my mom almost in a way, turned us against our dad.
she gave us everything we could ever ask for
knowing that he wouldn't. so when he said no
it was all "I HATE YOU."
we were raised to be brats. that's all there is to it.
whether she did it intentionally, i'm not sure.
or maybe she just needed the attention.
but now i think about how alone my dad must have felt.
what more could he give us?
when i was little, a tool belt was enough.
i was a daddy's girl, i built things with him
in his workshop, i played baseball with him.
i loved my toolbelt.i loved baseball.
then when i was a teenager, i quit baseball.
my grades sucked. i didn't care. i still got whatever i wanted.
i have never been grounded or spanked and very seldom
yelled at in my life.
my dad never yelled. ever. and i get that from him.
i have his patience, and his let things happen attitude.
i am actually very very grateful for that.
my dad and i are closer now. but he is retired
and lives with my mom and brothers out in nowhere.
and i feel like he probably feels very alone again.
or maybe it never stopped.
my mom wasn't talking to him for a couple days,
probably over something stupid.
and my brothers are at the age where they are too cool
to hang with their dad.
i can see that he has been finding odd jobs to do and stuff
probably to stop him from being alone.
and when he calls, i can tell he doesn't want to
hang up. he just needs someone to ask him how
his day was. because at his home, nobody cares.
my mom is not a bad person.
she has had a hard life as a parent.
4 kids and both parents worked full time.
the anger and sadness, though;
it started when one of her patients died.
the baby lived, she didn't.
my mom sent the grandparents christmas cards,
and received pictures of the baby.
the girl who had the baby
was my age at the time. very young.
so that cut my mom very deep.
and she wouldn't tell me what the scariest
thing that ever happened to her was,
but i am willing to bet that was it.
i love my mom so much but no matter what
i do, it's not enough to bring her out
of her slump. it's been too long at this point,
by now it is her way of thinking.
the biggest hit, and what makes me cry
is what i do not want to put on the
internet. i try to talk to my sister
about it, but she says to forget it.
i can't. it still hurts.
my mom should not have told me it happened,
but she wanted me to hate my dad.
staying together "for the kids" is not
always the safe route, i guess.
i love my parents i just wish
that they could love each other.
-mints.
shooter is really sad.
because he chewed my VERSACE frames and
i didn't notice he was doing so.
so i guess it's my fault but he got
yelled at by his father and now
he is really sad and practically begging
for forgiveness with his eyes.
it's hard not to give in
but i'm pretty mad, myself.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmph.
-mints.
i didn't notice he was doing so.
so i guess it's my fault but he got
yelled at by his father and now
he is really sad and practically begging
for forgiveness with his eyes.
it's hard not to give in
but i'm pretty mad, myself.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmph.
-mints.
yikes.
blogs about how much someone loves god
creep me out.
anyways i had a crazy dream last night.
that it was snowing really bad but i had to make
it to judge mathis the next day so i left
my house, which was my parents, only it
was really nice and actually on a street
with other houses. anyways so i left without
any directions.
so the next day there was no snow on the ground
and i called my dad to give me directions.
then i realized i didnt have nice clothes to wear.
or i did but i didn't have an iron for them
or something.
i don't know why i went to judge mathis,
because when i got to the building there
were mad people there and it was a buffet inside.
so i ate with people i didnt know.
and made some friends.
then when i got home,
i was at the tops i work at and my
mom and aunt were there, too.
my aunt and i went
half on a lottery ticket and we won $10,000.
she handed me the $5,000 and continued her shopping
i gave my mom 1,000 because i owe her money
(in real life)
and i was like i can put 3,000 in the bank
and still be set!
and then i woke up like UGGGGHHHH that wasnt real.
so ef that.
man.
i was really mad.
oh then there was a creepy part with a little
girl after i went back to sleep but i can't
really remember it.
that's one of my more normal dreams.
-mints.
creep me out.
anyways i had a crazy dream last night.
that it was snowing really bad but i had to make
it to judge mathis the next day so i left
my house, which was my parents, only it
was really nice and actually on a street
with other houses. anyways so i left without
any directions.
so the next day there was no snow on the ground
and i called my dad to give me directions.
then i realized i didnt have nice clothes to wear.
or i did but i didn't have an iron for them
or something.
i don't know why i went to judge mathis,
because when i got to the building there
were mad people there and it was a buffet inside.
so i ate with people i didnt know.
and made some friends.
then when i got home,
i was at the tops i work at and my
mom and aunt were there, too.
my aunt and i went
half on a lottery ticket and we won $10,000.
she handed me the $5,000 and continued her shopping
i gave my mom 1,000 because i owe her money
(in real life)
and i was like i can put 3,000 in the bank
and still be set!
and then i woke up like UGGGGHHHH that wasnt real.
so ef that.
man.
i was really mad.
oh then there was a creepy part with a little
girl after i went back to sleep but i can't
really remember it.
that's one of my more normal dreams.
-mints.
but sometimes
i feel like it was bigger than us,
like we are shrinking.
like it was so much MORE.
maybe that is my fault.
i feel like i'm hanging from a mobile.
above something so fantastic and peaceful.
going in circles. but stuck there.
while i look at what everything COULD be like,
i'm so disconnected from it.
what i'm connected to is what's holding me back.
how do i get off this thing?
someone could at least stop winding it up.
but i think it's me who is doing that, too.
i think too much.
but i hit a wall when i think about it
because i don't know what your thoughts
are and i don't know how you feel.
and i don't know what direction i am going in.
and i feel like maybe there is a part of you
i will never know, or never access
and i just want to cut that part away from your
body and stomp it to pieces.
i am so stressed my mind is spinning
i don't know what to be upset about first.
and maybe i make a bigger deal out of things
than i should but that's only because i don't
know how to talk about them until they feel HUGE
until they're so big that they are forcing
their way up my throat.
you know that lump you get when you're holding
back tears?
that's why i can't talk about things.
it doesn't let me talk.
it just chokes me up.
no talking, just tears...
let it come out anywhere but your mouth.
and at this point it could be about
something as stupid as why i can't
sleep in the dark by myself.
not a pretty sight.
blah.
-mints.
like we are shrinking.
like it was so much MORE.
maybe that is my fault.
i feel like i'm hanging from a mobile.
above something so fantastic and peaceful.
going in circles. but stuck there.
while i look at what everything COULD be like,
i'm so disconnected from it.
what i'm connected to is what's holding me back.
how do i get off this thing?
someone could at least stop winding it up.
but i think it's me who is doing that, too.
i think too much.
but i hit a wall when i think about it
because i don't know what your thoughts
are and i don't know how you feel.
and i don't know what direction i am going in.
and i feel like maybe there is a part of you
i will never know, or never access
and i just want to cut that part away from your
body and stomp it to pieces.
i am so stressed my mind is spinning
i don't know what to be upset about first.
and maybe i make a bigger deal out of things
than i should but that's only because i don't
know how to talk about them until they feel HUGE
until they're so big that they are forcing
their way up my throat.
you know that lump you get when you're holding
back tears?
that's why i can't talk about things.
it doesn't let me talk.
it just chokes me up.
no talking, just tears...
let it come out anywhere but your mouth.
and at this point it could be about
something as stupid as why i can't
sleep in the dark by myself.
not a pretty sight.
blah.
-mints.
baby got a skintape session.
my hair is red/blonde/orange.
i like it.
riding was good today.
al rode a grey pony with blue eyes.
i'll get pictures when i can.
-mints.
p.s. BYE BYE.
it's been great.
kisses.
love ya much.
i like it.
riding was good today.
al rode a grey pony with blue eyes.
i'll get pictures when i can.
-mints.
p.s. BYE BYE.
it's been great.
kisses.
love ya much.
i am rihanna.
right now. ha.ha.ha.
bum bum be dom bum bum be dom bum.
i am dying my hair red.
like real red.
this song has nothing to do with how i am feeling right now.
i am very stressed. but not about my boo.
but songs like this can make me cry even if i have
never been in the situation.
i'm a r&b sucker.
bum bum be dom bum bum be dom bum.
i am dying my hair red.
like real red.
this song has nothing to do with how i am feeling right now.
i am very stressed. but not about my boo.
but songs like this can make me cry even if i have
never been in the situation.
i'm a r&b sucker.
i'm really sad.
the opportunity to take avery
has been opened up.
but i have nowhere to keep him.
i'll cry all day long.
he is supposed to be mine!
-mints.
has been opened up.
but i have nowhere to keep him.
i'll cry all day long.
he is supposed to be mine!
-mints.
kp.
i love her in a weird way.
okay, i just love her
and i don't care how many people hate her.
and i'm glad she is dating travis
cos his old girlfriend was a trashy ho.
w.o.r.d.
-mints.
well
allison and i missed the horse show.
it seems it ended early.
we went to bagel jays.
and then the flea market because her mom told
us to go do something. bad idea on her part.
because we brought home a bunny rabbit that
we saved from the flea market. he is a mini rex.
and his name is reese's peanut butter cup aka
butterfinger milkshake.
and then we took him into target with us
to go get him food and treats.
;]
don't let us go anywhere with animals
because we WILL bring one home.
derek started his text blog.
http://twitter.com/xtownshendx
i think it's pretty cool and i'd like to start one.
his is boring so far, though.
i said i want to read your thoughts, boo
not what you had for breffast.
<3
well it's chili night,
complete with GOSSIP GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yes.
-mints.
it seems it ended early.
we went to bagel jays.
and then the flea market because her mom told
us to go do something. bad idea on her part.
because we brought home a bunny rabbit that
we saved from the flea market. he is a mini rex.
and his name is reese's peanut butter cup aka
butterfinger milkshake.
and then we took him into target with us
to go get him food and treats.
;]
don't let us go anywhere with animals
because we WILL bring one home.
derek started his text blog.
http://twitter.com/xtownshendx
i think it's pretty cool and i'd like to start one.
his is boring so far, though.
i said i want to read your thoughts, boo
not what you had for breffast.
<3
well it's chili night,
complete with GOSSIP GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yes.
-mints.
lalalala.
so, i pretty much quit my diet.
or i just cheat.
i could really go for some of
that chicken penne i made the other night.
i guess i'll settle for old pizza, though.
womp.
we're going to the horse show around 1.
dono what else we'll do today.
transmission dance party was fun
as always, but the music was kinda stank.
my boo, scopin'.
he no like the flash.
sup pat?
newman is a crazy dancing machine.
dancing in the chair.
acting like he is drunk.
errbody dance now!
ew, i dono why i made that face.
one of us always ruins the picture, lol.
it was pouringgggg, and these are our
"omg i'm wet" faces.
and we don't look too upset.
-mints.
derek's favorite song of the night
last night.
or i just cheat.
i could really go for some of
that chicken penne i made the other night.
i guess i'll settle for old pizza, though.
womp.
we're going to the horse show around 1.
dono what else we'll do today.
transmission dance party was fun
as always, but the music was kinda stank.
my boo, scopin'.
he no like the flash.
sup pat?
newman is a crazy dancing machine.
dancing in the chair.
acting like he is drunk.
errbody dance now!
ew, i dono why i made that face.
one of us always ruins the picture, lol.
it was pouringgggg, and these are our
"omg i'm wet" faces.
and we don't look too upset.
-mints.
derek's favorite song of the night
last night.
disturbiaaaaah.
no video.
well this is going to be a really good weekend.
i went riding TWICE today.
and spruce meadow farms got rid of
the trainer i had, i guess...
and i didn't like her. and we have
a new trainer and she is a REALLY good
teacher. but i am leaving.
she told me to call her to come ride whenever
i want to, though.
i def. will.
and allison and i had our first
lesson at skibbereen and i really like it there.
very professional.
so i don't work til 4p tomorrow
depending on weather, derek and i
might go see the new exhibit at the zoo.
if not, ill sleep in real real late.
i haven't slept in, in awhile.
and then tomorrow night AFTER work
is the TRANSMISSION DANCE PARTAYYYY
i loveit iloveitttt. only derek
says they will NOT play disturbia
which makes me dance every time so i'm kindof
very upset. but i'll still dance.
then on sunday,
allison, darnell, dean,and i
are going to a horse show at btrc.
then to a movie, i think, with kayla
when she gets out of work.
;]]]]]
yay!
-mints.
i'm going to post a song with every post now.
and this seems very fitting. duh.
well this is going to be a really good weekend.
i went riding TWICE today.
and spruce meadow farms got rid of
the trainer i had, i guess...
and i didn't like her. and we have
a new trainer and she is a REALLY good
teacher. but i am leaving.
she told me to call her to come ride whenever
i want to, though.
i def. will.
and allison and i had our first
lesson at skibbereen and i really like it there.
very professional.
so i don't work til 4p tomorrow
depending on weather, derek and i
might go see the new exhibit at the zoo.
if not, ill sleep in real real late.
i haven't slept in, in awhile.
and then tomorrow night AFTER work
is the TRANSMISSION DANCE PARTAYYYY
i loveit iloveitttt. only derek
says they will NOT play disturbia
which makes me dance every time so i'm kindof
very upset. but i'll still dance.
then on sunday,
allison, darnell, dean,and i
are going to a horse show at btrc.
then to a movie, i think, with kayla
when she gets out of work.
;]]]]]
yay!
-mints.
i'm going to post a song with every post now.
and this seems very fitting. duh.
my boo
thinks i should vlog.
video blog.
i'll give it a shot.
i think my boo might start a textblog.
i hope he duzzzz.
i want to read his thoughts!
yes i do, boo.
i'm about to post some videos
i made the other day when i was bored
behcuz.
video blog.
i'll give it a shot.
i think my boo might start a textblog.
i hope he duzzzz.
i want to read his thoughts!
yes i do, boo.
i'm about to post some videos
i made the other day when i was bored
behcuz.
oooh it feels good to be freeeeee.
starting at skibbereen on friday morning!
and have my last lesson at
spruce meadows on friday evening!
a full day of riding.
oh yeah behbeh.
and have my last lesson at
spruce meadows on friday evening!
a full day of riding.
oh yeah behbeh.
well,
it seems it is illegal to sell salvia in nys.
soooo, where can i get it, if noone can sell it?!
out of state, but i don't have the time or money.
so boo ya to that until a later date.
sooo i went to my interview todayyyyy!
and um it was awesome! i think i might get it
she said i did a really good job.
it's making jewelry for bodycandy.com
holler at piercings.
she liked my piercings.
get an employer to say THAT at your interview.
holler at it.
i'm happy.
well, i hope i get it, we'll seeeeee.
k i'm going to go read mad stories on the internet
and stuff. i have the day off and nothing else
to do so i'm just gonna chill.
gossip girl was ALRIGHT last night...
i want them to be back in school.
the hamptons scene kindof bores me.
so back to watching tyra!
-mints.
soooo, where can i get it, if noone can sell it?!
out of state, but i don't have the time or money.
so boo ya to that until a later date.
sooo i went to my interview todayyyyy!
and um it was awesome! i think i might get it
she said i did a really good job.
it's making jewelry for bodycandy.com
holler at piercings.
she liked my piercings.
get an employer to say THAT at your interview.
holler at it.
i'm happy.
well, i hope i get it, we'll seeeeee.
k i'm going to go read mad stories on the internet
and stuff. i have the day off and nothing else
to do so i'm just gonna chill.
gossip girl was ALRIGHT last night...
i want them to be back in school.
the hamptons scene kindof bores me.
so back to watching tyra!
-mints.
sage.
went riding at spruce meadows today.
i rode sage. he is a pony but he is really
fun to ride. he is a little hunter pony
so he flies through the course, it felt good...
as opposed to the other horses that need help
just wanting to go over the jumps.
umm al came with me, we went to skibbereen this
morning and it was so cute, lots of room, too.
but then we stopped over where i used to ride with
karen... it's called quaker field riding school now
and WOW it is the complete opposite
of what it looked like when i rode there...
i'm thinking of going there. it's beautiful.
i'll decide soon! i have to, because molly at
skibbereen wanted to get me in for a trial lesson
to see where to put me!
oh and i have to ride at SMF again next week
because my trainer didn't have change...so i
had to over-pay and cover part of next week.
soooo , i'll ride twice next week.
i'm not complaining!
so now i am going to my brother's
football game just up at depew high school.
go jacobi wolfgang!
-mints.
i rode sage. he is a pony but he is really
fun to ride. he is a little hunter pony
so he flies through the course, it felt good...
as opposed to the other horses that need help
just wanting to go over the jumps.
umm al came with me, we went to skibbereen this
morning and it was so cute, lots of room, too.
but then we stopped over where i used to ride with
karen... it's called quaker field riding school now
and WOW it is the complete opposite
of what it looked like when i rode there...
i'm thinking of going there. it's beautiful.
i'll decide soon! i have to, because molly at
skibbereen wanted to get me in for a trial lesson
to see where to put me!
oh and i have to ride at SMF again next week
because my trainer didn't have change...so i
had to over-pay and cover part of next week.
soooo , i'll ride twice next week.
i'm not complaining!
so now i am going to my brother's
football game just up at depew high school.
go jacobi wolfgang!
-mints.
oh, yeah.
and i actually did my hair yesterday,
but it sweated out within like 20 min.
it was h o t.
-mints.
but it sweated out within like 20 min.
it was h o t.
-mints.
skibbereen pt. 2.
going to skibbereen farms at 12-12:30ish to
check it out, look at the barn and stuff.
then i have riding at spruce meadows at 5:30.
i'm cheating on spruce meadows!?
-mints.
check it out, look at the barn and stuff.
then i have riding at spruce meadows at 5:30.
i'm cheating on spruce meadows!?
-mints.
yeah.
i am hurt, that's put on the backburner.
but for all i know he doesn't really care about our
relationship in that way.
i want an adult, loving, communicating, caring
partnership with him. he doesn't understand this.
he thinks everything's great how it is but it
could be so much better. i wish this kind of talk
didn't upset him. i wish he'd listen to me and
know it's only because i want something i've
never had before, someone for whom i come
first. someone who is sensitive enough to
send me flowers for no reason or just leave a
note that i'll find after he leaves for work.
jack doesn't know much about women, so i feel
bad for getting upset when he does something
hurtful to me unknowingly. but maybe if he'd
sit me down and talk to me about him and tell me
what he wants out of all this, i could help him
understand me.
i love you jack,
jenna.
-jenna jameson
how to make love like a porn star.
challenger!
i'm starting the special k challenge tomorrow.
hehe.
if i don't lose a pant size in 2 weeks i'll be
upset.
i can do this!
as far as work, it's nice to have a day off.
but...my paycheck was VERY NICE this week...
working pays off, f'realz.
antm was fantastic! i love it.
and too bad i can never be a model.
not even a plus-sized model...
because i'm too short.
and not big enough but not small enough.
;[[[[
there goes my dream! haha, not.
i should have gone to the auditions at bryant&stratton
as a joke.
or not.
okay, i'm going to watch this real-estate show
and do laundries.
then grocery shopping.
then... i dono.
peez.
-mints.
hehe.
if i don't lose a pant size in 2 weeks i'll be
upset.
i can do this!
as far as work, it's nice to have a day off.
but...my paycheck was VERY NICE this week...
working pays off, f'realz.
antm was fantastic! i love it.
and too bad i can never be a model.
not even a plus-sized model...
because i'm too short.
and not big enough but not small enough.
;[[[[
there goes my dream! haha, not.
i should have gone to the auditions at bryant&stratton
as a joke.
or not.
okay, i'm going to watch this real-estate show
and do laundries.
then grocery shopping.
then... i dono.
peez.
-mints.
so i called skibbereen, and hopefully
they will be calling me back tomorrow.
i left a message, but they close at 7.
i'm excited!
derek and i went on a super bike ride earlier
when i got out of work.
we went all thru como park, and all over the place.
it felt good except that he's a curb jumping speed
demon and i am afraid of stones and potholes.
america's next top model is on tonight!
2 hour premier! HOLLER.
there's a tranny on this season. holler at that, as well.
i have one less piercing now,
i took out my belly button ring.
not because i'm fat! lol.
because i just don't want it anymore.
i do plan on getting my clavicles redone soon, though.
the right way this time, which means i am going somewhere else.
so the plus side to gaining weight is my boobs
got bigger. derek said sorry because all his girlfriends
seem to gain weight. haha. ha.
well, i gotta go get dinnersss!
i feel good. i am happy.
and i can't wait to ride!
at skibbereen.
or friday at spruce meadow, either.
i'm so glad i got back in the saddle,
literally.
-mints.
they will be calling me back tomorrow.
i left a message, but they close at 7.
i'm excited!
derek and i went on a super bike ride earlier
when i got out of work.
we went all thru como park, and all over the place.
it felt good except that he's a curb jumping speed
demon and i am afraid of stones and potholes.
america's next top model is on tonight!
2 hour premier! HOLLER.
there's a tranny on this season. holler at that, as well.
i have one less piercing now,
i took out my belly button ring.
not because i'm fat! lol.
because i just don't want it anymore.
i do plan on getting my clavicles redone soon, though.
the right way this time, which means i am going somewhere else.
so the plus side to gaining weight is my boobs
got bigger. derek said sorry because all his girlfriends
seem to gain weight. haha. ha.
well, i gotta go get dinnersss!
i feel good. i am happy.
and i can't wait to ride!
at skibbereen.
or friday at spruce meadow, either.
i'm so glad i got back in the saddle,
literally.
-mints.
okay, for real.
i am starting a diet
or at least exercise program thing
THIS WEEK!
i have gained 15lbs since last summer.
given, i weighed myself right after
i ate, but still.
i'm so over my belly, it's ridiculous.
when i didn't have a belly i was like
aw, i want a fat little belly.
ugh. i curse myself.
you can't really tell i weigh as much as i do,
i mean... i'm pretty solid.
but i doubt i put on
15lbs of muscle.
i know i put on fat cos when i sit down
i be rollin', son.
that ain't right.
i brought my running shoes that i never
used over to derek's
and i vow on my days off to get in at least
a half hour of some type of workout...
and days i get out early, or work late, too.
horseback riding on friday's will probably be
my favorite one.
i actually like working out...
once i'm doing it.
it's hard for me to get going, though.
we're about to change that.
help me!
-mints.
or at least exercise program thing
THIS WEEK!
i have gained 15lbs since last summer.
given, i weighed myself right after
i ate, but still.
i'm so over my belly, it's ridiculous.
when i didn't have a belly i was like
aw, i want a fat little belly.
ugh. i curse myself.
you can't really tell i weigh as much as i do,
i mean... i'm pretty solid.
but i doubt i put on
15lbs of muscle.
i know i put on fat cos when i sit down
i be rollin', son.
that ain't right.
i brought my running shoes that i never
used over to derek's
and i vow on my days off to get in at least
a half hour of some type of workout...
and days i get out early, or work late, too.
horseback riding on friday's will probably be
my favorite one.
i actually like working out...
once i'm doing it.
it's hard for me to get going, though.
we're about to change that.
help me!
-mints.
old pics.
my 18th bday!
the buffet at chef mickey's in disneyworld.
Y-O-M!
ew, i look like sporty spice or something.
awwww michelle!
i was obviously really excited after my first tattoo. lol.
i want curly hair again!
aww peaches. my behbeh. i miss her!
so gankstah.
aww i love my boo, killa. TIL FOREVERRRR!
lol wow!
that's megan, steph in the back, me, jess, and jenna.
i'm always the one not looking in pictures.
not my date! just geoff!
okay. i'm done here.
the buffet at chef mickey's in disneyworld.
Y-O-M!
ew, i look like sporty spice or something.
awwww michelle!
i was obviously really excited after my first tattoo. lol.
i want curly hair again!
aww peaches. my behbeh. i miss her!
so gankstah.
aww i love my boo, killa. TIL FOREVERRRR!
lol wow!
that's megan, steph in the back, me, jess, and jenna.
i'm always the one not looking in pictures.
not my date! just geoff!
okay. i'm done here.
skibereen!
well, i haven't wrote in a bit.
i rode rosie again on friday
rosie is the one i fell off of
and could hardly walk for two weeks so
i was a bit nervous.
it was actually a realllly good lesson, though.
i envy my past self...i think of how
i was riding when i was like nine, and i
was ready to do everything. i was
jumping by the time i was like 10.
i was fearless. now i'm all,
"can we trot this course once first?"
GAY! i'm working on that, though...
and getting back on rosie was the first step.
i don't even know where these fears came from.
i am thinking of switching barns.
i love spruce meadow, but i'm iffy about my trainer...
our lesson started an HOUR late last week.
i just think when i rode there years ago, it was
more professional.
also, i used to take lessons with karla, the owner...
and now i get lessons by a girl who has
been riding the same amount of time that i have.
which feels kinda weird. i mean, show knows
what she's talking about but we really don't
even learn anything in the lessons.
we walk, trot, canter in both directions
and then we all jump. every week.
i miss learning the dressage moves and all that.
also, i really miss showing.
spruce meadows has small shows just within the barn.
i want to go to shows out of town,
at the fair, etc. i want to compete.
so, i found this barn in orchard park that
is the same fee i am paying now, and it seems
better. i'll check it out.
it's called skibereen farm.
i'm going to call later today and see what's up!
annd seymour still has not been found.
i rode rosie again on friday
rosie is the one i fell off of
and could hardly walk for two weeks so
i was a bit nervous.
it was actually a realllly good lesson, though.
i envy my past self...i think of how
i was riding when i was like nine, and i
was ready to do everything. i was
jumping by the time i was like 10.
i was fearless. now i'm all,
"can we trot this course once first?"
GAY! i'm working on that, though...
and getting back on rosie was the first step.
i don't even know where these fears came from.
i am thinking of switching barns.
i love spruce meadow, but i'm iffy about my trainer...
our lesson started an HOUR late last week.
i just think when i rode there years ago, it was
more professional.
also, i used to take lessons with karla, the owner...
and now i get lessons by a girl who has
been riding the same amount of time that i have.
which feels kinda weird. i mean, show knows
what she's talking about but we really don't
even learn anything in the lessons.
we walk, trot, canter in both directions
and then we all jump. every week.
i miss learning the dressage moves and all that.
also, i really miss showing.
spruce meadows has small shows just within the barn.
i want to go to shows out of town,
at the fair, etc. i want to compete.
so, i found this barn in orchard park that
is the same fee i am paying now, and it seems
better. i'll check it out.
it's called skibereen farm.
i'm going to call later today and see what's up!
annd seymour still has not been found.
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